The Strange Life of Ken Kaneki
by JojoTea
Summary: Kaneki is a little more different that your average coffee boy. He has the ability to pause time, not something you usually tell some about. Until a frail delivery boy, Hide, comes along and swears to be his best friend. With him, he always wants to stop time, but he cant deliver a bag without a panic attack. It's a strange world they live in. KanekixHide story.
1. Friend

**Hey guys! BOOM Brand new story! This is gonna be a short one because I'm actually working on a longer AOT story so when that comes out you should also check it out. It'll only be three or four chapters but really long chapters. But I really wanted to work on this Tokyo Ghoul story so bad. I've been working on this for _months._ But I hope you guys really enjoy this cause I think it's pretty cool. I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or characters used. Enjoy.**

* * *

There was something different about Kaneki. You may think to yourself 'everyone is different' or 'everyone is special in their own way' but that's not the case for Kaneki. See, it's a fact that in the world there are five people who look similar to you, but no one shares the same thing with Kaneki. No one looks like Kaneki. At least, that's what he knows. He had never met anyone with the same power he held, and even if there was, he'd never know. He believed the power was held in his eye, and he had never seen five people with the same eye.

Kaneki figured out at a young age that time was an illusion. A thing made by people to label the setting of the sun. Somehow, he could control it. Kaneki didn't know why he could, but whenever he wanted to, he could stop time. Only for a couple hours though, no more than three. Over the years, he had learn that only living things and whatever the living thing was touching, whether human or animal, would stop. So Kaneki viewed the world where people existed, but they did not _exist._

Kaneki had seen what it was like for leaves and petals to swirl in the wind, without the fear of someone stepping on them. Kaneki was able to view the ripples of water with peace. He learned expressions by seeing paused laughter, or weeping without a sound. He was free to roam between traffic and people without fear. Kaneki had seen the world in it's natural state. He learned of the beauty it held, and he was able to really see it.

He found himself stopping time while he was at work as he was older now. Usually once Hide got his coffee. Kaneki was sure it was a nickname, Hide's name must be longer, too long to shout when his coffee was ready. He usually got a regular coffee with a splash of milk, two sugars, and a chocolate pastry. Kaneki always saw him reading some new manga every time he came in, Kaneki noticed that he had work on the table. He must be a procrastinator. Must be a good one since he never really seemed worries about anything. Kaneki liked that about Hide. Never a worried look on his brow. Like a child who wasn't old enough to know about stress yet. Well, not that Kaneki knew why that was yet.

Hide had his headphones on, in mid sip of drinking coffee. Kaneki could hear the music but wasn't sure what band it was, he didn't usually listen to music anyway. Hide was halfway through the third volume of _Death Note_ , his lips blandly on the rim of the cup.

Kaneki had his elbows on the table, his hands on his cheeks with a small smile. The coffee house was quiet. Nishiki and Touka was (were) shouting at each other, no noise fell from their mouths. Kaya was starting to make coffee and Hinami was shyly watching. The few customers that were there, read or were eating some kind of food. But Kaneki couldn't care, he cared about looking at the details of Hide's face.

How clear and pale Hide's skin was, the little pink on his nose from the steam of the coffee. Kaneki tried to figure out if Hide's long hair was a honey brown or dirty blonde. He looked at Hide's chocolate eyes glowing and the small glint in them. God, he was beautiful. Kaneki could write a book about how beautiful Hide was. Kaneki raised up his finger and pushed back Hide's hair from his face, letting the back of his finger stroke Hide's cheek. He snapped out of it and lowered his hand.

"Stop it," Kaneki muttered to himself, "It's not right to do that."

Kaneki shook his head and rubbed his face. He hadn't even had a real conversation with Hide, but Kaneki was sure that it was his fault for that. Hide seemed to talk to Touka and Nishiki whenever they passed by, but Kaneki stayed behind the counter when Hide came in. Always too shy. Always hiding like he had his whole life. It had been an hour probably and it was about time Kaneki got back to work. He moved his chair back to the table he stole it from and walked back behind the counter. Kaneki closed his eye and took in a deep breath.

"Screw you too, sex maniac!" Touka yelled, her hands on her hips.

"Ah whatever, at least I can get laid. How about you start acting more like a lady and maybe you can get yourself a boyfriend." Nishiki said before dropping off two coffees at a table. Only a few stared at the fight.

"Oh blow it out your ass!"

"Guys, will you please stop fighting during hours? We have customers." Kaya called.

Chatter started to roar again in the shop, Kaneki sighed. He enjoyed the silence for awhile, he chuckled softly and started to clean the counter.

"Um, hi, Kaneki? Is it?"

Kaneki looked up. Hide half smiled at him and raised up his hand. Kaneki gripped the rag tightly in his hand.

"Uh, yes? Can I help you?" Kaneki asked. He thought his heart was about to crawl up his throat.

"Oh! Awesome, I got it right. Can I get a refill? My coffee got cold so I want a hot one this time. I don't know what happened."

Hide passed Kaneki an empty cup, Kaneki raised an eyebrow. "You still drank it? Even when it was cold?"

"Well yeah, I can't be rude and not finish it," Hide laughed and scratched the back of his neck, "Besides, you make the best coffee. Even tasted good cold!"

Kaneki covered his mouth and smiled, "Thank you, that's very nice of you. I'll make you a fresh cup."

"Thanks, pal. Call me when it's done."

Hide walked back to his seat and put his headphones back on. He sat down and started to read again. Kaneki looked at him as he steadily started to make his coffee. Touka leaned back on the counter and scoffed.

"Can you believe that jerk?" Touka asked, "He's such an asshole sometimes."

"Well, you know you can be mean sometimes too, Touka." Kaneki murmured.

"Excuse you?" Touka didn't turn her head, but shot a glare. Kaneki stood up straighter.

"Um, I mean, yeah. He can be a jerk sometimes."

"Mmmhm, I thought that's what you said," Touka turned and leaned over the counter, "Where's that coffee going. I'll take it for you when you're done."

Kaneki poured mild in the cup and dropped two sugar cubes, "Thanks, and to Hide over there."

"Nagachicka? Yeah, sure."

"So how's school?" Kaneki asked for smalltalk purposes.

"Eh, alright. I wish I could get in some more study time but I always have to close here. It's a pain in the ass."

"I don't mind closing for you. If you feel like you should study more I don't mind."

"Wait are you serious?" Touka tilted her head, "It would be great if you could, I feel like I get behind so easily. But you study too."

Kaneki nodded, "Yeah, sure. I can close, besides, I really don't study that much so I can waste some time."

"Pfft,must be nice having things come easy, huh nerd?" Touka said, sounding jealous almost.

Touka got a liner and grabbed the cup, "You're alright, Kaneki. Thanks."

"No problem."

Touka walked off to Hide's table and dropped off his coffee. He hung his headphones around his neck and smiled up at her. They chatted for a bit, Touka handed him a pen and he started to write on a napkin. Kaneki thought Hide had a crush on Touka. Every time they talked Hide seemed happy. Kaneki bit his lip and ran his fingers through his hair. He started to clean up his station again. Touka slapped down the napkin on the counter, casing Kaneki to jump.

"What?!" Kaneki asked.

Touka smirked wildly, "Looks like someone isn't actually a big dork after all. You might be a stud," Touka pushed the napkin closer, "You got yourself a phone number."

"I...I got a what?" Kaneki picked up the napkin, his eye widened, "Wait, is this from Hide?"

Touka nodded, "Asked me to give it to you since you never come over to his table. He said 'text me whenever you're free and I'll reply every time'."

Kaneki's cheeks grew a dark shade of red. He felt warm. He hid his face behind the napkin.

"Hey, don't get flushed already, it's just a number, not a proposal."

"I know that! But it's a big deal to me…" Kaneki trailed, the color fleeting from his cheeks, "I've never gotten a phone number before."

"Do you think you're going to text him?"

Kaneki licked his lips. When he was nervous he would look at the time. He looked at the wall clock. It was 3:48, Hide usually left at 8:00. He folded up the napkin.

"Definitely."

* * *

It hadn't even been one day yet, and they had already sent a hundred messages to each other.

It was 10:15 when Kaneki got home. He sent another text to Hide and smiled, slipping off his shoes and dropping his messenger bag. He locked the door and took off his hoody. He always felt gross after working so long, like dirt and sweat somehow crawled on him constantly. Kaneki scratched the back of his head and walked to his bathroom. He turned on the light, unbuttoned his pants and started up the water in the tub. Splashing it of his hand to check the temperature. He had _Let It Snow_ by the sink so he could read in the bath. He set his phone on the counter and unbuttoned his shirt and let it drop from his shoulder. He sighed as he started to take off his patch.

Kaneki always had to check if his eye got any worse, ever since he was a juvenile and the black started to fester in his eye. He leaned forward to look in the mirror, pulling down the skin around his eye. It was still the same, same dark color, same red in the center. Nothing had changed, yet nothing had gotten better. Kaneki breathed out, he heard his phone vibrate. Kaneki picked it up and smiled. Hide had sent a picture of himself lying on his bed, cheek against a white pillow. He already looked like he was drooling. Caption: _Bedtime! Night._

Kaneki laughed. Hide was so open and he warmed up quickly to Kaneki. Already sending pictures. Kaneki felt like there was comfort in that. Immediate acceptance, it felt good. He hadn't had unconditional anything in a long _long_ they had known each other forever now. He was too cute. He looked back in the mirror, focusing on his eye. He swallowed. He looked at the beast that kept him from others. Kaneki started to reply back.

 _Good night, Hide._

* * *

It had been a few times now and weeks had passed that Hide had come in at 5:00 and left at around 8:00. But Kaneki always kept getting his extra hour when he came in. But now, since they had been texting, on his break, Kaneki would sit with Hide, helping him with homework or letting Hide get off track to talk about something else. Like a new band he was listening to or what happened recently in a manga. Kaneki never knew how much Hide actually talked. But when he had those silent moments with him, it was pure bliss. Just seeing him smiling, eyes shining in mid air, it gave Kaneki satisfaction. Because he was like that with Kaneki and no one else.

Kaneki had started to sweep up around the shop. Hide was the only one left, sitting backwards in a chair. Hinami was upstairs with Touka, helping her 'study' by drawing bunnies on Touka's notes with her. Nishiki was in the bathroom changing his uniform before Kimi would pick him up. It had started to snow outside.

"It sucks that you have to close down all by yourself," Hide said, "It's not really fair."

"You know, you could always help me out."

"Nah, I'm off the clock and I don't need a second job yet. I'm broke with a good insurance plan."

Kaneki shook his head and softly laughed, "Then just sit there, lazy bones. I didn't get to hear how your day was because of the rush. How was it?"

"Oh, you know, just delivering," Hide sighed "I love delivering to the investigators. I learn so much about what going on there, crime-wise. It makes me feel like a guy on the inside."

"You are Sherlock, aren't you?"

"Think so? Does that mean you're my Watson?"

"Sure, Sherlock."

Hide laughed and leaned back, putting his hands behind his head, "How's school going?"

"Well, when you're trying to major in English, lots of reading books where the authors are now dead. So good I guess. What about you, crime-buff?"

"Oh! We're starting to work on forensics. Like set up fake crime scenes for us to look at. It's neat. I feel like the bad ass detectives on those crime shows my Ma used to watch."

Kaneki hummed, "Sounds pretty fun."

"It is," Hide said, looking around the shop "It's really quite at night, huh? Kinda spooky, like the beginning of a horror movie."

Kaneki shrugged, "I like it like this. It's very peaceful I think."

Hide hummed. Kaneki looked focus when there was silence, like he thrived in this type of environment. Like a flower that grew well with the graceful sound of Bach playing. He got the shop rather clean after it closed down. Hide noticed that he brushed hair out of his patched eye like it made a difference. Hide lowered his head on the back of the chair.

"You don't have many friends do you?" Hide said.

"Hey, I have a good amount of friends." Kaneki said, defensive, " There's Touka, Hinami, Renji-"

"Do you have a best friend?"

"A best friend?"

Kaneki leaned on the broom. He never thought about having a best friend. He thought about who he would really consider as a best friend.

"A best friend. Well I think… I think time has been my best friend. Yeah, time."

"Time? So like, your best friend is a clock?" Hide snickered.

"No,dummy, I mean like time itself. It's always been there for me," Kaneki said, "Like, I don't know how to explain it."

Hide tilted his head on his arms and smiled softly. Somehow he liked that idea, "Well I'm going to change that," Hide said, "I'm going to do whatever I can to become your new best friend."

"What?" Kaneki said, turning his head, blushing gently, "You want to be my best friend?"

"Yeah! Of course. I wanna be the best friend you've got. I think I can do better than Father Time."

Kaneki gripped the broom tightly. He giggled and lifted up his head, "Alright, yeah, go ahead."

Hide grinned, he looked excited. He threw his hands up in the air and straightened up, "Yes!" He exclaimed, he leaned back too far and lost his balance. Falling down on the ground, "Owowow… Fuck…"

Kaneki ran over to Hide. He put his hands on his knees, "Hide! Are you okay?" Kaneki asked, Hide rubbed his back.

"Yeah… Yeah I'm fine," Hide groaned, "I just fell on my ass is all," A beep was heard from Hide's phone. He checked his phone, "Oh crap! It's that late already? Hey, Kaneki I got to go. Like, now. Right now."

"Now? How come?"

"I have to pick up something is all," Hide grabbed Kaneki's hand and got up, "I'll see you soon, Kaneki!"

"Uh, okay? Later, Hide."

Hide walked out the door and the bell rang. Kaneki sighed and started to sweep again. Whatever it was that Hide had to get, it must have been important. So important that he left his bag. He tried to remember Hide's address from one of their text messages.

"Kaneki, you're still here?" Nishiki said, he had on a thick olive jacket with a furry hood and jeans. He scratched the back of his head and yawned, "What happened to Nagachicka? Got bored of you already?"

"He had to get something so he left."

"Doesn't sound like him. He's not like that at school," Nishiki shrugged and put his hands in his pocket, checking his phone, "Well Kimi is outside. Can't keep a girl waiting."

"Have a good night."

"Later."

Nishiki walked out and passed the window. Kimi had hopped out of the car and greeted Nishiki. She smiled up at him, her cheeks red from the cold air. Kimi's eyes were close, big fluffy flakes fell in her hair. Their words were silent before Nishiki kissed her, his eyes shut. Like he was blanking his mind and try to determine the feel of Kimi's lips. Kimi locked her petite hands with Nishiki's. Their lips stayed locked together, like they were Greek statues. Or that place where the volcano erupted and made everyone stay black and still for eternity. Kaneki couldn't remember what the place was called. But Kaneki thought they looked beautiful. They paused without Kaneki having to do it.

After a moment, Kimi came off her tippy toes and curled into Nishiki and they walked to the car. Kaneki sighed and had to sit down. He put his hands on his cheek, Hide left a half empty coffee cup on the table and Kaneki traced his finger on the rim. It was odd, Hide looked like Kimi when she saw Nishiki whenever he was around Kaneki.

* * *

At 11:00 on the dot, Kaneki stood in front of Hide's apartment complex. His nose felt damp, he stayed out in the freezing air for a few minutes now. His hands started to feel warm like an illusion. Not really there. He should have gotten gloves. His feet wouldn't move, he knew the floor level (2) and he knew the room number (204). But his ankles felt heavy. He tried calling Hide before he left the coffee shop but Hide never picked up. He must have been asleep already.

Kaneki was starting to have doubts. That maybe he shouldn't have come here. That he should have just waited till Hide came back to the shop, or have Nishiki take it with him to school and give it back. He saw that in one of the pockets of the bag was an inhaler so that was very important. Funny, Hide didn't act like he had asthma. He rode a bike all day for god sake-Kaneki shook his head.

"Come on you coward," Kaneki mumbled to himself, "It's just a bag… A bag you're dropping off at eleven at night…To a cute guy...To a cute guy you really like- stop thinking about this and do it!"

Kaneki bawled his hands into fists and lowered his head. He did that often, he thought too much over little things. All the time, his mind never stopped moving. That was the only thing he couldn't stop. Kaneki took a deep breath and walked into the complex. He tapped his shoes on the carpet, some snow fell from the heels as he started to walk up the stairs. There was something off as he passed long halls of doors. He didn't hear any tv noises or late night chatter or the occasional sound of crying. it was oddly quiet.

"Wait a minute," Kaneki muttered, he looked around quickly for a clock. His hands were jittery as he pulled out his phone. "No, no. Come on, are you kidding me?"

It should be about 11:05. But it was still 11:00. Kaneki stomped his foot.

"Damnit!" Kaneki yelled. No one came out,obviously, to complain,"You dumb ass, great."

Kaneki hated rules to his power. He couldn't just snap out of it immediately. He always had to wait an hour, at least. Which was hard to tell when clocks were affected with everyone else. Kaneki sighed, he knew this was a lost cause now. But for some reason, he kept walking. He walked till he got to Hide's door. Maybe he felt like he had to face his fears. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, just see if there's a spare key. If there isn't, then leave the bag and get out. Alright?" Kaneki checked with himself "Alright."

Kaneki checked under the mat and stretched up to check the door frame. He felt a piece of metal brush on his fingers. He grabbed it and was somewhat enthralled by this. Kaneki gripped the key, the teeth biting his palm. Still, as he put the key in the lock, he found it hard to turn the key. He knew that if he went in and out quickly, Hide would never realize he was there. Kaneki unlocked the door and stepped in. The living room was dim, a lamp light on the end table was on and Hide asleep on the couch. Kaneki tilted his head, he wasn't sure why he would be asleep on the couch when he could be asleep in a bed. Kaneki sighed and dropped the bag on the ground.

"Okay, now get the hell out of here." Kaneki murmured.

Kaneki tripped over the bag and yelped, crashing down to the ground. He groaned and bawled up his fists. He plopped his head back on the carpet. He was embarrassed even when no one was looking. Kaneki sat up and rolled on his bottom. He looked up and saw Hide's face as he pushed up on his hands. Kaneki cracked a smile, he didn't think Hide would be such a drooler while he slept. He thought it was a joke in the picture. There was a still line of saliva from the corner of Hide's open mouth. He looked like a baby asleep, like he returned to his youth. It was different than at the shop, where Hide was hype on news and caffeine. Here, Hide was fueled on nothing. Even with time stopping.

Kaneki pulled himself up on the coffee table, he parted Hide's bangs and swallowed. He so desperately wanted to kiss him. But he knew Hide was like forbidden fruit, he was allowed to look, not in this case, Kaneki could look, not kiss. That never meant he wasn't tempted. Kaneki kissed his fingers and pressed them to Hide's cheek, even from the fair touch, Kaneki's heart jumped. He felt himself smile, he bit his tongue so he wouldn't giggle. Kaneki shook his head.

"What the hell am I doing?" Kaneki asked himself, "I'm staying here too long, wanna know why?" He sat down on the ground cross legged and rested his arms on the couch cushion, "It's because of you, big idiot."

Kaneki tilted his head and turned off the lamp light. The room became dark. Hide looked blurred covered in darkness, like his color was saturated. kaneki bit his lip.

"It wouldn't hurt anybody if I stayed a little longer, yeah," Kaneki was talking more to Hide more than himself for once, "I have some time."

Kaneki was waken up by a sudden push that forcefully made him plummet to the ground. Kaneki gasped, his eyes widening as a dark figure climbed on top of him.

"Oh no..." Kaneki whispered to himself, "I waited too long."

"Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?!" Hide yelled, his shoulders grasping Kaneki's shoulders. His rage hidden from the darkness of the room.

"H-Hide! Kaneki! It's Kaneki!" Kaneki reacted quickly.

"Kaneki? Oh my god, do you want to give me a heart attack?!" Hide release Kaneki's shoulders, "What are you do- how did you even get in here?"

"Will you please get off of me? You're kinda heavy."

"No, answer me first," Hide crossed his arms and sat up straight, "How did you get in here? I didn't even hear you or anything."

Kaneki sat up on his forearms, "I was dropping off your bag," Kaneki rubbed the back of his head, "I found your key on the door frame. Now please get off of me already."

"Well, thank you for dropping off my bag but that doesn't explain how I didn't notice you when you came in. I'm not a heavy sleeper," Hide moved off of Kaneki and on the floor, "You must be a burglar on the side or something. I didn't hear you at all."

Kaneki swallowed and bit his lip. What was he supposed to say? Hide could read Kaneki like a good book, if he lied, Hide would know right away. That was probably the worst feature about Hide. He could analyze people so easily. Kaneki held onto his arms tightly.

"You won't believe me if I told you, Hide. Let's just drop it and let me go home?"

"Nuh-uh. No way, first off, I want answers. Secondly, it's like, two in the morning. I'm not letting you go home now that you're here."

Kaneki groaned. What had he gotten himself into?

"Likw I said, you won't believe me anyway." Kaneki murmured.

"Try me."

Kaneki took a big deep breath and closed his eyes. The creases of his eyelids were wrinkled and become pale.

"I can…" Kaneki said, slowly at first before his speech became faster, "Stop time somehow and I snuck in your house when I accidentally did and drop off your bag. Which is kinda good so I wouldn't have to talk to you."

Kaneki held his breath and scrunched up his whole body. He was ready to hear words of doubt or even fits of laughter. He knew it was something unbelievable. Kaneki would think it was crazy if he never did it himself.

"You didn't want to come and talk to me?" Hide asked.

Kaneki popped his eye open. He wasn't expecting that. Hide's eyes were somber, his small lip popped out.

"You… You only care that I didn't want to talk to you?"

"Well yeah. We're friends, you should be okay with wanting to talk to me. No matter what time."

Kaneki rubbed his face, "I don't think you're looking at the big picture," Kaneki scratched his head, "I just told you I can stop time."

"And?"

"And you're just going to believe that?"

Hide shrugged, "Well why would you lie about something like that?" Hide asked, "You're super smart. You could have came up with something better. Not something as ridiculous as that."

Acceptance. Automatic, without a doubt, acceptance from Hide. He was so trusting with Kaneki that he could believe whatever he said. Kaneki's lips parted as Hide started to move off him. He held out his hand.

"We had a deal," Hide said as Kaneki sat up, "So now that you're here, want some coffee?"

"Uh, I wasn't planning on staying long."

"Change of plans then. You can't just break into my house and not stay for a little while."

Kaneki swallowed. Hide stood up and hung in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Do you like any sugar or cream in your coffee?" Hide asked, he chuckled, "I know you know how I like it-"

"Hide, you're taking this all lightly," Kaneki walked forward, towering slightly over Hide. He put his hand on the doorway, "Shouldn't you be weirded out?"

"What's there to be weirded out by?" Hide half smiled, "It's you we're talking about. Not some freak. I'm you're best friend. I can't judge you by something you can't help."

Kaneki gripped the door frame tighter. Hide's voice sounded so sweet and gentle. Enough for Kaneki to rest his head on the words. Kaneki brushed his fingers over Hide's cheek.

"You wanna know why I didn't want to come in here?" Kaneki asked.

"Why?"

Kaneki's heart pounded and his stomach slushed. His thumb traced down Hide's jawline as Hide's cheeks grew red.

"I… Sorta like you. A lot," Kaneki muttered, Hide's eyes fluttered, "I stop time when you're around… Because I like looking at you."

Kaneki felt like he was sick. Like he could throw up any minute now and collapse on the floor. But he tried to look as calm as possible. Even if it wasn't exactly working out.

"You… You like looking at me?" Hide asked, swallowing, "Well, maybe I like looking at you too."

Hide's fingers combed through Kaneki's dark locks. His pale skin contrasting against the black until his arms just wrapped around Kaneki's neck. Kaneki's mouth was dry as Hide pressed closer against him.

"I wish I could stop time to look at you," Hide whispered, his finger circling on Kaneki's skin, "Maybe then I could learn more about you."

"You already know more than most, Hide," Kaneki couldn't help but hug him, he never had been so open before. Somehow it felt right. An uncomfortable kind of right, "A lot more."

"You haven't told anyone else about it?"

"It's not exactly a Sunday conversation. No one probably wouldn't believe me."

"I believe you." Hide pointed out, rubbing Kaneki's back.

"Not exactly sure why you do."

Hide pulled back and raised an eyebrow, "What? I thought it would be obvious," Kaneki was confused. He was sure he would know obvious when he saw it, "I'm your best friend. I'm supposed to believe you, no matter how crazy it might sound."

Kaneki shook his head, "You're crazy…"

"Says the guy who says he can stop time."

Kaneki softly laughed, he licked his lips, "Hide, do you… You probably will but do you mind it I… Like, um.."

Hide held Kaneki's face and kissed Kaneki gently. Kaneki's eyes opened wide, his hands started to rest on Hide's lower back. His lips started moving with Hide's, he leaned back against the frame and pulled Hide close. He felt so light so small in his arms, even though he was the same height and size as Kaneki. Still, he was delicate. Hide pulled back and smiled at Kaneki.

"Stay at my house tonight, please? It's late." Hide said, cuddling into his chest.

"Okay." Kaneki whispered.

They drank the whole pot of coffee and talked the whole night until six in the morning. The crashed on the couch. Spooning together.

* * *

Kaneki and Hide liked spending time together at the park. They would get a coffee to go from the shop, find a tree to sit under, and plucked grass under the thin snow while they chat. Sometimes they would steal kisses, their coffee breath mixed on their lips. They loved how their voices sound outside and the was the breeze would finger through their hair. They liked how flushed their cheeks would look.

Kaneki was reading while Hide was doing some homework. He tapped his pencil on the paper. Kaneki flipped the page. Easy appealing noises.

"How'd the doctor appointment go?" Kaneki asked.

Hide shrugged and bit his eraser. He didn't like talking about his condition. Or his _many_ little conditions. Hide was born with a bad a heart disease which made his respiratory and immune system bad. So he had always been fragile. His parents always treated him like he was sensitive, too much sensitivity. That wore on to his friends, his teachers, everyone. They all treated him like glass. It drove him nuts. Doctors appointments, and pills, different types of surgeries. All so much. He wasn't as fragile as everyone thought he was, Hide just got tired more easily than others. His greatest dream as a child when in the hospital was to go into a haunted house and get the shit scared out of him. Now that he was older, he had been to over twenty haunted houses during Halloween. Hide tried not to show his condition often. He really didn't like talking about it too much either.

"Do you know anything about blood analysis?" Hide asked.

"Yeah, but answer my question first and I might help you."

"Okay, that was just a joke, how do you know about blood analysis?"

"I might answer that too if you tell me how your appointment went."

Hide sighed and laid down in the snow. His hands on his stomach and head in Kaneki's lap.

"It was just like any check up. Says my system has gotten a tiny bit worse but nothing to worry about. Says I should get different pills now and that I shouldn't eat so much red meat."

"You do eat a lot of burgers."

"Well then stop taking me to that little restaurant in the book store. That place has amazing burgers."

Kaneki giggled and put down his book. His kissed Hide's temple, "You're taking your pills regularly right?"

"Well I don't wanna die yet,mother," Hide settled his head in Kaneki's lap more, "Before you ask, yes I've been keeping my heart rate low and making sure I take my inhaler everywhere."

Kaneki smiled and "I know about blood analysis because of a book I was reading. I had no idea what they were talking about so I got a book about blood work so I could understand the first book."

"You're a strange dude, Kaneki," Hide said, "Have you been stopping time lately?"

"Yeah, here and there."

"Still when I'm at the coffee shop?" Hide laughed.

"You should come there less now that we're dating, I look less professional."

"I'm taking that as a yes."

Hide sat up in Kaneki's lap and kissed his cheek. Kaneki put his hands on Hide's sides and kissed his lips. Their eyes closed and their cheeks heated up. Hide bit Kaneki's lip, he smiled and wrapped his arms around Kaneki's neck. Kaneki brushed Hide's hair, his golden brown hair. They had been dating now for two months. Ever since that night something clicked. Kaneki grabbed Hide and held him tight. Hide started to giggle while Kaneki kissed the creak of Hide's neck where no one could see.

"Ahah, hey! Don't do that!" Hide giggled, trying to pushed Kaneki away.

Kaneki nuzzled in that crook of his neck, his hand on Hide's back. He kissed Hide a last time.

"Go to my house?" Kaneki asked, close to Hide's ear.

Hide nodded, "Mmmmhmm. Let me finish these notes."

"No, now." Kaneki whined, hugging his waist.

Hide kissed Kaneki's cheek.

"Now it is." Hide mumbled.

When Kaneki was with Hide, time went too fast and that would make Kaneki move too fast. Hide didn't mind, he was just that kind of guy.

* * *

Kaneki laid in bed, eyes shut and unshield. He had never felt such happiness before. It was foreign to him. Ever since his mother died, he always felt alone. All he had was his time. No, he had time with Hide. He was breathing hard, panting as Hide rocked on top of him.

Hide was panting, his face flushed and whole body dripping in small beads of sweat. His hands were on Kaneki's abdomen, clawing lightly here and there. He moaned softly as Kaneki's cock moved in and out of him. Hide looked down at Kaneki, his eyes squeezed tightly when Hide moved down and Kaneki's hips thrusted up.

"Why do you always do that?" Hide breathed.

"W-what?" Kaneki replied, just as airy.

"Keep your eyes closed," Hide lowered his head down, moving his hands onto Kaneki's chest, "You never look at me during sex."

Kaneki winked open his clear eye open. Hide kissed Kaneki's cheek, "Once the patch comes off, you keep your eyes closed," Hide started to move slower, "You really don't want me to see your eye."

Hide swooped down into Kaneki's neck. Starting to kiss harshly and nip. Kaneki tipped back his head and groaned, grabbing Hide's ass and forcing him to move harder.

"I don't let anyone see it." Kaneki grumbled.

Hide tipped back his head and moaned. Kaneki rocked up quicker. He felt like he was on a cloud. Set adrift from everything, letting Hide's sweat act like rain. Kaneki ducked his head into Hide's shoulder. His stomach started to lurch up. Kaneki thrusted up and came, moaning loud as Hide clenched his teeth. Hide gasped out and came soon after on Kaneki's stomach. Hide and Kaneki panted in each other's face. Hide held Kaneki's face.

"Open your eyes." Hide whispered.

"No… You'll think it's disgusting."

"When have I ever thought you were disgusting?"

Hide kissed his closed eye. Hide ran his fingers through Kaneki's hair.

"Just let me see."

 _Let me see._

That phrase just chilled him to the bone. It always made him feel cold when people got curious. Like under the patch was a peep show. He opened his eye slowly and swallowed. His red iris and black eyeball showed. Hide looked at Kaneki. Kaneki wish he could leave, just turn invisible or had the power to transport. Instead he had the ability to stop time. He didn't want to stop this moment. He hadn't been stopping time much nowadays. He didn't really have to, Hide was always with him now, he didn't need three hours of silence with him, yet when he did, it was usually in bed.

When Hide was sleeping, his lips slightly parted and jaw relaxed. His hand placed under his head. Kaneki would hold his still body, leave marks on him like a mutt. He loved not hearing the snores. Not hearing the breathing, not noticing drool coming from his mouth. It was something sensual. Kaneki was in love with it.

Hide leaned in and kissed Kaneki's eyelid. He was smiling wide. Hide was always full of surprises,Kaneki never knew what to expect.

"Beautiful." Hide whispered against Kaneki's ear.

Through his whole life he had to hide his eye. His power. Himself from the rest of the world. Why now would he show Hide? Why was it so simple to give in? Kaneki pulled Hide into his chest and squeezed him. It was because Hide was his world. His slow revolving world.

"You have no idea what that means to me."

* * *

Hide got out of the shower. Kaneki turned his head from his book and grinned.

"Get over here," Kaneki said, leaning over and grabbing Hide's ass, "You look so cute after a shower."

"Hey, hey! Hands off!" Hide said, pulling the towel tighter around his hips. He had gotten the mail he picked up earlier and started to sort through it. Kaneki played with Hide's damp locks. Water dripped on the bed. Hide coughed a few times in his hand as he read through junk mail. There was a bottle of pills on the end table, Kaneki knew there was more inside. Hide was used to it. He had been used to it since he was born. He learned to take pills by himself when he was five by holding his nose and drinking chocolate milk.

He sometimes wondered what his parents used to think when they got something in the mail. Was it always a fingers cross moment that he wouldn't need another prescription pill? Or just waiting to mutter " _Oh God."_ again under their breaths so Hide didn't hear. A call was the second worse thing, calls usually meant a surgery. Hide used to call them "suckeries" because they sucked. It always meant months in bed, tubes connecting to him, leaving scars from small punctures on his skin.

His mother called them _love bites_. Because if they didn't love him, they would never take him to the doctors and try to help him. Once a needle was taken out of his arm, she would always press her lips to the flesh, give it a pat, then smile. He learned to love, _love bites._

Kaneki would leave love bites on Hide. Different ones. Blood sucked up to his pale skin to stay for a day of two. Usually on his neck or shoulders. Sometimes his hips and stomach. God, did her _really_ love those love bites. Kaneki wouldn't do them if he didn't love him, right?

"Anything good?" Kaneki asked.

"Nothing too good never comes from the mail." Hide laughed slightly and smiled, "I should have a bill from the hospital. Remember? When I came down with the flu or something I had to see what it was just in case. Doctors said it wasn't anything big."

Kaneki nodded and pulled back, he picked up his book and started to read again. Hide drank a glass of water as he tried to find the hospital bill. He found two letters from the hospital, Hide scrunched his eyebrows. He opened up the first letter sent by his doctor. He unfolded the letter and started to read it. Hide's face was emotionless, his breath was still and starle. Kaneki started to move closer to Hide after noticing how motionless he was. He was quiet, too quiet of Kaneki and staring at mail for too long. He heard a sniffle come from Hide.

"H-Hide?" Kaneki softly asked, putting his hand on Hide's shoulder, "You okay? Is everything alright?"

Hide bit his lip. He put down the paper and tried wiping his eyes before he started to really cry. He turned to Kaneki, smiling wide with his eyelids closed. Few tears glided down his cheek. Kaneki had never seen anything sadder (yet) in his life.

"No, not at all."

* * *

 _So I hope you guys enjoyed. Review, favorite and follow if you did. Helps me out alot. See you next update._


	2. Love

**Hey guys! New chapter woooooh! I'll probably be able to update this faster once I get back home. But I think I had enough time to make this a decently long chapter. Hope you guys like it. And thanks for the reviews. I love them ^-^. I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or the characters used. Enjoy.**

* * *

Kaneki could only cope with Hide's condition the only way he could. Quietly and with books. Hide told Kaneki he had been through this once before, just not with someone he loved so lungs were becoming weaker and his heart (like always) wasn't in the best condition, it had turned into the worse it had been since he was a child. It did scare him still. The doctors weren't sure what they could do since his immune system was weakening along with everything else. At this point he was still he had to stay inside, in clean places. He had to go on leave for a while from his job and online classes then started for him. Kaneki decided to move in with him after a month of being diagnosed.

Kaneki couldn't accept this though. Not the warm smiles Hide gave, not the sneaks of his inhaler, not the small walks they went on around the apartment complex. It hurt. _Really_ hurt. Made him feel like an idiot sometimes because he believed it, rarely. But he let himself believe. He thought that sometimes Hide was okay and he was going to be okay, but hearing a harsh cough, having Hide sit down after a short time to get his heart rate down, seeing him swallow pills; that all snapped back to him. Hide was sick. And all Kaneki could _try_ to do for him was give him support and more time.

He thought it would be easier for him to move in since he didn't have much of anything already. He moved in three months ago, when two months ago Hide got the letter.

Hide was asleep with his head in Kaneki's lap. Right now, the TV was paused with some anime Hide was watching a while ago, The clock was stuck on 12:11, Kaneki was stroking Hide's hair as he read. He got a medical book from the college library about heart conditions. He needed to learn more, if he had more knowledge he could face this. This sickness. Kaneki looked down at Hide. There were dark bags under his eyes, he looked paler. Hide wasn't getting enough sleep. He would wake up with coughing fits or he'd be too hot under the blankets. Hide would always cover his mouth till he made it to the bathroom. He didn't know Kaneki still heard him cough then adventually throw up. Kaneki would always roll over on his hip and waited for Hide to come out, then he'd pretend he was asleep and hold Hide when he was back in bed. Hide even smelt like _sickness_.

But he wasn't bad enough, yet. Not yet. Kaneki was waiting for that day.

Kankei closed his eyes. He breathed out and just like that, the sound came back to the TV and small hushed breaths came from Hide. He gripped Kaneki's pants leg and grumbled. He rubbed his eyes and started to lift up his head.

"Mmmm, morning already?" Hide asked.

"Midnight, Hide."

Hide nuzzled against Kaneki's neck like a cat before kissing him on the cheek. He wrapped his arms around Kaneki's neck and put his head down. Kaneki folded a corner in his book then closed it.

"What's wrong, Hide?" Kaneki asked.

"You stopped time didn't you," Hide mumbled, "I feel more tired than I should."

"Just for two hours. I know you won't sleep for long if you tried for yourself," Kaneki handed Hide a glass of water from the coffee table and two of his pills he sat out earlier, "I wanted you to rest."

Hide took a sip of water and held his nose while he took his pills. Kaneki kissed the top of Hide's head and tussled his hair. Hide coughed into his hoodie sleeve before smiling back at Kaneki.

"Thanks for looking out for me, Kaneki," Hide hugged Kaneki's waist and squeezed, "Always."

Kaneki ran his fingers back in his hair and softly exhaled, "Always."

Hide swallowed and pulled back. Kaneki picked up his book again and smiled gently. He thought Hide would continue to watch his anime before he'd go to bed. But all he did was stare at Kaneki. It was weird, he tried not to look at Hide from the corner of his eye. Kaneki was used to looking at everyone else, not someone gazing back at him.

"What?" Kaneki blushed, scrunching up his shoulders.

Hide had his hands in his lap. He looked like a droopy eyed puppy. Kaneki tilted his head.

"Can I asked you something?" Hide said.

"Anything, you know you can ask me whatever you want."

Hide looked down and scratched his cheek,"Do you… Do you sometimes want to leave me? Like- or maybe wish you never met me?"

"Leave you? Never-what? Where did that come from?"

"Just answer. I want the truth."

"No," Kaneki quickly said, "I never want to leave you it took me so long to get this close to you. Why would I want to go?"

Hide shrugged, "Well, for the past two months you've been taking care of me… a lot… I can take care of myself sometimes and I know you're stressed out by this don't even lie," Hide sighed and tipped his head back, "I don't know. Maybe I just think you might be getting sick of me." Hide laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Hide…" Kaneki scooted over and wrapped his arms around Hide, "Don't say that. You're acting like a burden."

"I feel like I'm becoming one. I mean look at what you're reading. You're really worried. And that can't be fun. And I'm your boyfriend, I'm supposed to be fun. Not … You know."

Kaneki leaned over and kissed Hide. His lips pressed harsh to Hide's and parted his lips. Hide closed his eyes and relaxed his body, Hide ran his fingers back in his hair. Kaneki held his hips and pulled him close. Kaneki loved this, this warmth Hide produced. It made him hot and comfty. Like hot chocolate on a cold day. Kaneki pulled back, Hide's eyes glistened. His thumb glide on Hide's cheek.

"Hide, I love you," Kaneki breathed, "A little bump like this isn't going to get in the way of that."

Hide blushed, his eyes widened, "I… I love you too, Kaneki but-"

"But nothing," Kaneki interrupted, "I'm going to be with you till the end of this. Always, remember? You said it yourself. I'm here for you."

Hide smiled and laughed, "Right," Hide nodded and rubbed his eyes, "I should have known you wouldn't give up that easily."

Hide kissed Kaneki again. His tongue licked Kaneki's bottom lip. His hand on Kaneki's chest.

"I feel pretty good today," Hide kissed Kaneki's neck, "Wanna maybe…"

"I don't think you can keep your heart rate down during that. I can't hold back around you, Hide." Kaneki muttered, closing his eyes and putting his hand on Hide's arm.

"I took my medication. You don't have to hold back around me, Kaneki. I love when you don't" Hide kissed Kaneki's jawline, "It makes me feel normal when you do it like that."

Kaneki looked over at Hide. He figured out that he himself was Hide's slice of normality. That Kaneki was his "Everything is alright," even when he was worried about Hide's health. When he was with Hide, he would touch him harshly sometimes. Let his teeth graze the skin to taste him fully. Anything most couples would do. And Hide loved that, he needed that. Kaneki nodded and pushed Hide on his back.

"Tell me if it gets too much for you okay?" Kaneki said, kissed Hide.

Hide smiled and put his hands on Kaneki's back, "Promise I will."

Kaneki moved his hand up Hide's hoodie. He was always cold. His fingers glided over Hide's nipple, soft and already perked. Hide turned his head to the side and blushed. His body tensed up from the delicate touch, breathing gently. Kaneki watched him as he rubbed and pinched slightly.

"Hah, Kaneki…" Hide mumbled

"Good?"

"Very."

Kaneki smiled and took off Hide's hoodie, letting it stay up at his wrists to bound them. Kaneki kissed Hide's chest to his sculpted pecs. His nipples were such a light pink, just as the blush on his face. Kaneki's tongue flicked over his nipple, Hide pressed his chest up. Kaneki let his hands run down Hide's side. He felt a little bit of Hide's ribs from him arching his back and the hardness of his abs. He nipped Hide's nipple and pulled. Hide moaned and tossed his head. Kaneki started to pull down Hide's pants, pressing his hand to his crotch. Hide put his knees together, he was always so shy when it came to this part.

Kaneki never knew why, but he always wanted to stop time at this point. When Hide's eyes are closed, his cheeks red, and his breathing very light. Beautiful. Kaneki never saw this as embarrassing, just pure beauty. Kaneki sometimes wondered what Hide thought of him when they had sex or even during this stage. Did Hide think Kaneki was dominating with his hands all over him? Was he sexy? Handsome? What was he to Hide? Maybe he was love. Boyfriend. Life, even. Kaneki wished he could read minds instead of stop time.

Kaneki had taken off Hide's pants and boxers, he lifted up Hide's thighs and pressed them to his lips. Kaneki had taken off his sweater and button up already before he slid between Hide's legs. Kaneki bit down on Hide's inner thigh as he lingered down his tongue to Hide's entrance. Hide gasped and straightened up. Kaneki licked Hide's entrance and kept Hide's squirming legs apart. He circled around and lapped his tongue up thickly. Hide would moan and turn his head to the side. He panted slightly, Kaneki started to get hard and unzipped his pants.

"Um, Hide, would you mind to open your mouth?" Kaneki asked

"You want me to suck on your fingers, huh?" Hide smirked.

Kaneki swallowed and nodded. Hide laughed slightly, "As long as you keep doing what you're doing down there."

Kaneki huffed and pressed his fingers against Hide's lips. Kaneki lowered his head back down and started licking again. Hide wrapped his mouth against Kaneki's fingers and started to suck, he moaned around them. Kaneki groaned as he started to take off his own pants. Hide slobbered all over Kaneki's fingers and pulled back. Drool dribbling in the corner of his mouth as he huffed, saliva dripped from Kaneki's fingers.

"Those should be good, yeah?" Hide breathed.

Kaneki sat up on his knees and tugged off his pants, "They have to be."

Kaneki pressed in two fingers quickly, Hide moaned and closed his eyes.

"Oh fuck, you're really ready aren't ya?"

Kaneki didn't reply but instead smashed his lips to Hide's. Their breath was hot at Kaneki moved his fingers fast. Hide parted his lips and pressed his tongue in Kaneki's mouth. Lapping over his and biting his lip after. The two panted after they pulled apart, a bit of saliva connected their tongues together. Kaneki curled his fingers before pulling them out.

"Are you still okay? Chest doesn't hurt? Nothing like that?" Kaneki asked.

"No, no, I'm fine just put your dick in already." Hide said impatient.

Kaneki shook his head and laughed slightly. He pressed his cock against the wet entrance and started to move in. Hide seethed and clenched his teeth, trying to relax his body. He opened his mouth and let out a whining moan. Kaneki started to kiss Hide's face all over. Reminding Hide that he was in good hands as he started to rock his hips. Hide bit his lip, he felt sweat dribble down his body and some fall on him. Kaneki held up Hide's knees and breathed out close to Hide's ear. Hide tightened around Kaneki's cock, biting down on his lip.

"Don't do that," Kaneki mumbled, letting his thumb pull down Hide's bottom lip, "I want to hear everything."

Hide moaned, "How cliched and romantic." He laughed, gingerly.

Kaneki licked the shell of Hide's ear, causing him to shiver and giggled. Kaneki started to thrust harder, Hide arched his back and moaned. Squeezing his eyes closed, sweat moved down his jawline. They kept at it like this for almost an hour. These choppy, hard thrusts that never seemed to move too fast. It was wonderful. How Kaneki's weight fell on top of Hide and how the mixture of their breaths stayed so close. How Hide's arms locked around Kaneki's back, leaving scratches, some even drawing blood. Kaneki didn't mind, he wanted those marks to remain imprinted on his body like a tattoo. Hide was given to him. Kaneki would never just let that go.

Kaneki wished it was like this forever. To stay smushed against Hide, just feeling the beat of his heart, knowing he was here. To know he was still breathing, to see he was still a warm body. Kaneki's hand worked his fingers down Hide's skin, curling into a small ball before lowering his head.

"K-Kaneki?" Hide breathed as they finished up,"What's wrong?"

"It's just…." Kaneki paused, rubbing his chin quick before lowering his hand back down.  
"It's nothing, Hide. Nothing."

"Liar. Tell me," Hide raised his hands into Kaneki's hair, he took off the patch and teased his black locks, "What's on your mind?"

Kaneki sucked in his lower lip and clenched his teeth. He rubbed his eye, "I just… I just love you so much you know?"

Hide kissed Kaneki and fell back on the couch, " I know you do, and I love you too," Hide said, he plucked out a white hair and dangled it in Kaneki's face, "But you loving me might kill ya." He chuckled.

"Loving you is a good way to go."

Kaneki pressed his lips to Hide's neck and started kissing. Hide kept laughing and trying to push him back. He started to have a coughing fit and Kaneki let up. Hide's palm was against his mouth.

"You okay?" Kaneki asked.

Hide was teary eyed and trying to get out his words, "I-I'm fine," Hide said scratchy and smiling. He looked down at his hand and gasped, "Shit," He started to sit up and cough again, Grabbing a tissue from the end table "I need to use the bathroom."

"Hide? Hide!" Kaneki called after as he rushed to the bathroom.

Kaneki heard the bathroom door slam and sighed. He ran his fingers back in his hair.. He saw another grey strand of hair fall in his face. He looked down to see the wadded up tissue Hide had. Little flecks of blood on it. Kaneki closed his eyes, holding his face in his hands as he started to cry while he heard Hide keep coughing in the bathroom.

* * *

Kaneki had his fingers weaved in his hair as he read fast. Drinking the medical words like he was dehydrated at the coffee counter. Everyone was frozen in place. This was the fourth medical book he had read. Not counting the dietary books that showed food that was good for the heart. This discussed the immune system and how it all worked. He kept writing down medical terms he had no idea about. Like it mattered, like any of it mattered. What would books do to help Hide? Books wouldn't stop sickness. Kaneki had no idea why he knept doing it, yet he was going to go to the used book store and buy more books after work.

He had started to stop time when he was at work the best he could so he could read in silence. But that wouldn't last as long as he wanted it to. Kaneki started to hear the clicking of cups and chatter again. Names being called that there coffee was done. Kanek groaned and put his hands to the side of his head, he pulled his hair. Leaning down to the counter.

"Fuck," Kaneki said under his breath, "There's not enough time, not enough time…"

Touka walked up to the counter and leaned over,"Yo, Kaneki-"

"There's no time!" Kaneki said.

Touka hopped back, straightening up and pulling back from the counter. Kaneki raised up his head, his eyes widened. His cheeks turned into a tinted rose color. He swallowed, "I-... I'm sorry, Touka for yelling... Need something?"

Touka raise an eyebrow,"I do. Two coffees, one black and one with cream."

"Yeah, sure, sure, just uh one sec," Kaneki looked around him like he was trying to figure out where everything was, "Okay, I got you."

As Kaneki started to get the mugs and coffee filters, pouring in cream in the cup as the coffee brewed. Kaneki tucked his two tone hair behind his ear. Touka rested her forearms on the counter and tilted her head.

"You're okay, right Kaneki?" Touka asked.

"Huh? Oh, oh yeah I'm fine," Kaneki smiled gently, "Just thinking is all."

Touka hummed and laid her cheek in her hand. She looked around the shop, "Haven't seen Hide in a while," Touka said. Kaneki paused briefly before fixing the coffees, "How's he been feeling?"

Kaneki slid the cups towards Touka, "Here's your coffee, Touka," Kaneki grinned, "The one with cream is on the right."

"I'm guessing he's not any better is he? He hasn't gotten worse has he?"

There was no way to get out of this. Touka was too stubborn to let anything go. He hadn't really been telling anyone about Hide and how he was. Kaneki sighed and rubbed his face.

"He gets really weak now-a-days," Kaneki pinched his brow, "He doesn't go out often, breathing problems you know? Just for a quick walk outside or something. Hide gets really exhausted is all."

"And the doctor appointments? How are those going?" Touka asked, setting up the cups on the tray.

Kaneki groaned, "The doctors keep giving him different kinds of pills and regimens, stuff like that. But none of it seem like it's working," Kaneki slammed the coffee pot down, "He needs more time from them."

Touka put her hand on Kaneki's shoulder. Her eyes were narrowed, almost in a glare. Kaneki leaned back and away from her.

"Don't worry. Nagachicka isn't gonna give up that easily." Touka gave him a sly smile before walking off.

Kaneki lowered his eyes. It was heartwarming to hear but that didn't mean it made him _feel_ better. Kaneki deeply exhaled and moved back to his book. Starting to read again. It started to become slow, with customers already taken care of and Touka and Nishiki started to argue like always. He tried to drown out the noise while Hinami helped the others start to mop the floors.

As Hinami swept with her baby blue broom, she looked up at Kaneki. Seeing his tired face reading. She put her hands on the counter and tried to see what he was reading and looked at the note pad with terms on it. She hummed and tilted her head.

"You're learning about the immune system?" Hinami questioned, "Do you need it for a class?"

"Oh. Hinami. No, no I don't need it for a class. I'm just learning it to learn it."

"Oh! It's for your boyfriend right?"

Kaneki looked at Hinami, surprised, "You know about Hide?"

"Well of course I do. I used to see him almost everyday when I was working on homework and when you were closing. I saw the way he looked at you and how you looked at him. It's like how Mama looks at Daddy," Hinami giggled, "I heard he was sick."

"How?"

Hinami shrugged, "Just around the shop. No one really notices me."

Kaneki's jaw tightened, he chewed his cheek before teasing Hinami's hair, "Yeah, that's right. I'm going to try to help him out by learning about his condition."

"Hinami," Touka called, "There's coffee in my room for you. How about you go drink up, huh?"

"Wha? But I wanted to help clean up." Hinami pouted.

"Hinami don't back talk. It's not a good habit. Believe me," Touka smiled at her, " There's chocolate filled croissants Yoriko made."

Hinami's eyes got bright and big, She looked up at Kaneki for some reason he softly laughed, "Well you better get up there. Maybe you can look at some words you don't know in your book and I'll tell you what they are later."

Hinami laughed and nodded, she ran over to the stairs, "Bye Kaneki I hope your boyfriend feels better!"

Kaneki smiled sadly and waved up at her as she went upstairs. He licked his bottom lip and soon frowned. Touka and Nishiki walked towards the counter.

"Sorry, I thought it would be better if she didn't pry." Touka said.

"Thanks for looking out for me but I'm fine. Okay? Just peachy."

"Oh bullshit, Kaneki," Nishiki rolled his eyes and walked behind the counter, "Look at you, your hair's turning white from all this stress. You're not telling us how bad Nagachika is. I haven't seen him in months at school."

"Why do I need to tell you two? It's not like you can help him."

"It's not him we want to help, idiot it's you. I'm studying pharmaceuticals for Christ sake. At least I could give you some relief."

"Oh what, you're saying I haven't been trying to do that for him?" Touka asked, harshly, "I don't see you asking if he wants to go out and do something. I just see you trying to score your girlfriend."

"Fuck you, flat ass bitch."

"Oh now you're staring at my ass, pervert?!"

"You want to go?"

"And what if I do?"

Kaneki sighed and picked up his book and moved out of the fight. Nishiki and Touka started to forget about Kaneki which was a good thing. Kaneki wasn't one for talking about his problems. He was one for letting them build up and come out in explosions. And that was fine for him. The coffee shop bell rang and they all turned their heads towards the door.

"Oh no…" Kaneki muttered

"Shit." Nishiki mumbled

"French _trash_." Touka shivered

" _Bonjour,"_ Tsukiyama introduced, grinning widely and looking over at Kaneki, "Oh, Kaneki my sweet. Good to see you. And you too Touka."

"Bite me walking garbage can."

"How very lady like, nothing less from you. I'll have a cup of coffee while I talk to Kaneki."

Tsukiyama was a famous restaurant connoisseur. He usually goes on long trips at a time all around the country, around the world. He had tried almost everything imaginable, everything to make the mouth his favorite place to go would always be the coffee shop. Even though everyone thought he was a French freak, he liked coming after a long trip Touka glared and clicked her tongue and started a fresh pot of coffee. Tsukiyama sat down at one of the stools at the counter. Kaneki blushed and held his book to his chest. He grinned and pressed his finger to Kaneki's chest.

"Have you stayed up late reading? _Est-ce que tu es fatigue_?"

"Huh? Excuse me?" Kaneki said, confused. "Pardon my French, are you tired, Kaneki is what I meant. Your face looks sunken. Not as plump like it used to be," Tsukiyama pinched Kaneki's cheek, "And your hair, _horrible!_ Two different 's wrong with you?"

Kaneki squeezed the book tighter to his chest and pulled his head away, "Um… My boyfriend, Hide has been sick lately.. Well he's always been sick but now it's just…"

"Worse? _Oui?_ "

Kaneki licked his lips and nodded, "Y-yeah."

"Worried, aren't you? What a tragic love story," Tsukiyama got a peek at the cover of Kaneki's book, "Immune system? Is that his problem? Immune system weak?"

"And other things…."

"Hmmm,like?"

"You don't have to tell him, Kaneki." Nishiki said, looking at Kaneki

Kaneki lowered his head down. He sighed. What would it hurt? Him? He had already felt pain. Maybe telling someone new wouldn't be so bad.

"His lungs aren't well right now and he's always had a heart disease. His immune system can't fight it. He kinda… As he likes to put it 'Falling apart'"

"Not much of a chance he has. Once your lungs goes next is the heart. Let me guess, thirty percent chance?"

"Knock it off, asshole," Touka said, putting his cup down on the table, "Drink you coffee and shut your mouth. He doesn't have to tell you."

It was easy about talking about what he already knew. Like talking about Hide's sickness. Bringing up the new stuff was always hard. Like a knife cutting in him. But maybe he needed to get over this pain to face everything else. To face _real_ things, not the words that fell out of his mouth.

"T-...Twenty. Doctors told us he had a twenty percent chance of surviving. But he has a good chunk of time. Says he's got six months to two years. He could get really lucky and have three years."

Tsukiyama grinned. Touka gasped and held her hand to her mouth, Nishiki gulped. It was just dropped on their shoulders like it was dropped on Kaneki. And somehow, it did feel good. It didn't feel good to _say._ But it felt good in the right way. Because it hit Kaneki. It hit him that he was only counting down the days.

"Kaneki. You didn't tell us it was that bad." Touka basically whispered.

"So now you're hoping for the best.. You must have a nice time with him. You never know when he might be gone."

"Shut your fucking mouth. This isn't the time to talk like that." Touka sneered.

Tsukiyama closed his eyes and put his hands up, "I'm only trying to be supportive. I do know a lot about the human body _petite dame_."

"I will kick you out myself if you don't leave yourself."

"And if she won't kick your ass, I will." Nishiki said.

Kaneki lifted up his head, "You're right," Kaneki breathed. The arguing kept going on. Kaneki started to silently pick up his things from behind the counter. He took off his vest and threw on a pull over.. He put his backpack over his shoulder and started to walk from behind the counter in a fast pace.

"Oi! Kaneki where are you going?!" Touka called, "This is all your fault you French garbage can."

"Oh it is not!"

"I just have to go. I have to go see Hide. I can never know if it'll be my last."

He left just after that. Everyone only looked at him as he raced out the door. Tsukiyama was right. He couldn't just keep learning and reading constantly. He had to be with Hide.

Kaneki got home at eight. When he got home, he had a plastic bag around his wrist. He unlocked the apartment door, the lamp was only on while Hide had a blanket over his head. Hide smiled widely and let the hood of the blanket fall from his head.

"Kaneki, you're home early. What a nice surprise." Hide greeted.

Kaneki took off his shoes and walked over to Hide, he kissed him deeply before sitting back on the couch.

"I got you a few things on the way home." Kaneki said, rummaging through the bag.

"Oh? Things for me? I didn't need a refill on my inhaler or anything like that,though. Pharmacy call you?"

"No, it's not anything like that," Kaneki pulled out a paper bag and handed it to Hide, "There's a few _Attack on Titan_ mangas in there, I know you like the anime so I thought you'd like the mangas. The bookstore was having a sale."

Hide started looking through the bag, "Kaneki, there's like six mangas in here. How much did you spend on these?"

"Don't ask cause I'm not going to tell you," Kaneki pulled out a little box, "Your favorite tea, and your favorite biscuits."

"Kaneki?"

"And I bought some more snacks and thought we could watch some films on Netflix or something. Have a little film night for ourselves after dinner."

"Kaneki," Hide started to laugh slightly," What's going on? You're treating tonight like it's something special"

"Nothing," Kaneki kissed Hide sweetly a few times. Holding him tightly while Hide still giggled, he kissed his neck and cheek, "I just want to spend time with you."

Hide smiled and held his fingers up to his mouth. He coughed slightly and only once. He cleared his throat and looked at Kaneki. Hide kissed his nose and rested his forehead on Kaneki's. Hide smiled, he hadn't had just a film night in so long.

"You're the best," Hide kissed Kaneki's cheek and wrapped his arms around his neck, "You treat me so well. Always."

"I have to try."

* * *

"No! There's no way I'm going!" Hide yelled, "I'm fine, I don't need to stay in the hospital!"

"Hide, the doctors think that's what's best. Your heart has been all irregular and your lungs are starting to give out. Calm down, you could faint."

It had been three months and Hide was gradually becoming worse. Some days he would just stay in bed, sleeping and barely eating. He'd be like this for days, not hours _days._ His coughing was worse and some days it would turn into wheezing. But sometimes he'd be out of bed, doing chores slowly but able to do it. His medication started to add, like some sort of colorful collection. Hide hadn't been outside in a long time. He'd only get exhausted.

Kaneki had been told by the doctors in private a long time ago that Hide would have to be put in the hospital and that day had came. And Hide was pissed to see that day come and hear the call from the same room without ever knowing.

"I'm not going!" Hide repeated, crossing his arms, "There's not a chance in hell I'm having a long term stay in a goddamn hospital."

"Hide, please. Just get your stuff ready while I start the car." Kaneki sighed.

"No. I'm not gonna. I'm fine, Kaneki. I'm not gonna get better there either. What's the difference?"

"You're not getting better here!" Kaneki snapped, "You're coughing up blood, Hide. _A Lot_ of blood. You can't even go outside because you'll pass out," Kaneki put his hands on Hide's shoulders, "Don't you see, Hide. You can't get better here. You won't survive here. You have a chance of the doctors can keep an eye on you."

Kaneki's voice got softer, sounding like it was tearing apart. Like he was going to cry. His eye was getting glossy and the grip on Hide's shoulder got tighter. He swallowed, Hide bit his lip and put his hand on Kaneki's cheeks.

"Have you ever seen a four year old hooked up and in a hospital bed?" Hide breathed, "Have you seen him lying in there, a teddy in his arm while he heard his parents cry in the hallway over the machines he was hooked up to? Cause they're afraid their little boy isn't gonna make it. I can't go back there. I can't see you doing the same thing. I spent the first six years of my life in long term hospital living,in and out," Hide's jaw tightened from the memory, "I'm not wasting the last of my months in there."

"Hide…," Kaneki muttered, "It won't be like that. You won't die in there."

"How do you know? I _know_ hospitals and I know what 'long term' means when you're taken from your home," Hide started to tremble he moved in close, looking in Kaneki's eyes, "Kaneki… It means I don't have a chance anymore… I haven't had a chance for a long time."

Kaneki swallowed and bit his lip. He closed his eyes and started to fall to his knees. He started to sniffle, trying his hardest not cry. But Kaneki couldn't help it. It was sad, you're supposed to cry when something is sad. No, when something is _heartbreaking_. He gripped Hide's hoodie and buried his face in the cloth.

"I wish I could heal you, Hide," Kaneki sobbed, "I wish I-I could just make you better instead of stopping stupid fucking time!"

Hide felt his stomach warm up, Kaneki's moist breath heated his hoodie. Hide ran his fingers through his hair. Seeing how he almost had white hair now and how slim he was. Hide knelt down and lifted Kaneki's head. The taste of salty tears in his lips.

"Kaneki… You have given me more time than I could ever ask for," Hide muttered, "Most wouldn't stay with a sick person like me. I'm bound to fail."

Kaneki just started to cry harder, "You're not a failure," Kaneki shook his head, "You're the best thing that's happened in my life." Kaneki started to wipe his eye and flip up his patch, "You don't treat me like a freak o-or make me feel different. You make me feel loved… So loved… I can't give that up yet."

Hide sadly laughed, "That sounds rather selfish of you."

"Damn right. Hide, I need you.. Please, at least _try_ to get help at the hospital."

"I can't… I'm scared."

"And you don't think I am?" Kaneki breathed out, "Hide, you're my best friend…"

Hide then realized what he meant to Kaneki. What Kaneki meant to him. And maybe he wasn't doing his hardest. Maybe he was doing what he was always doing. Going with the flow and hoping for the best. Take pills, try doing what the doctors prescribed, but no hospitals. No more of those because he was older. He could go into haunted houses. He could ride a bike when everyone said he would never have the breath for it. He didn't need a machine to help him breath. He didn't need to be cut open anymore, sprawled out like a frog in a science lab because the doctors had finally pulled the right cords. The river was always going right. _Right._

But now, the flow was turning, and the waters were rocking and Hide himself was in denial that the waters were clear. The denial Kaneki kept keeping him in by treating him with date nights and late cuddles. But he would snapped Hide back into reality by giving him his pills and a glass of water. Because Kaneki could see the curving, swirling waves that was hitting the sides. But Hide didn't see that. Not till he saw Kaneki breaking in front of 's lip trembled.

"Okay… Okay, I'll go," Hide's voice broke as he went to the ground, "Just don't cry. Cause if you cry I'll cry."

Hide wrapped his arms around Kaneki. He started to tilt back and fell softly down. Kaneki kept sobbing in Hide's arms.

"Hey, didn't you hear me? I'm going, Kaneki. I'll let them pump me full of pills! And do their surgeries everything. I'm gonna be better."

"I know… That's why I'm crying. Because you're going."

Hide started to giggle before cracking up, "I love you Kaneki."

"I love you too, Hide."

* * *

 _So I hope you enjoyed. Review follow, and favorite if you did. Helps me out a lot. See you next update._


	3. Life

**Hey guys! New chapter! I know, I know, took me forever to do this one. My bad, but I was having major writers block so I had to take my time on this one. But I hope it was worth the wait. Also, next chapter is going to be the last chapter of this story, but after this one is an AOT fic that is going to be very thought out, long, and hopefully super awesome. I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or the characters used. The book in the story is by Stephen Chbosky. Enjoy.**

* * *

The hospital smelled clean. Like lemon bleach mixed in with sterilized air to disguise the smell of sickness. But it didn't work, because you know how when you see something that sometime's you could smell what it might be? Well that's what Kaneki was dealing with for the past two months Hide was in the hospital. He smelt coughs, inhale monitor beeps, and exhaled nurses perfumes. That was one of Kaneki's favorite smells mostly because it was always different. When Kaneki was by Hide's bed and the nurses were making it while the doctors checked on him in the meantime, they liked standing so close. He'd get a wiff of their breasts and they smell like brown sugar. Or as they walked in and Kaneki was standing in the doorway, their hair would smell like coconut water.

And their scent brought on by the streets, smells of granite and pollution pierced the cleanness of the air. Intruding on it like a common criminal trying to leech off the area. The nurses always smiled at Kaneki, like it was a mandatory thing. Never a scowl or any trace of a bad day. But how could these men and women look so happy while a mother is next to her nine year old son with leukemia? Stroking his pale bald head while next door a girl who's bones show and is being force fed through a tube because she doesn't want to eat. Because she wants her skin to become so thin and her ribs to poke out more so maybe her heart has a chance of escaping the destructiveness of her mind. How can doctors and nurses keep a smiling face while older people are starting to lose their memories and are locked back into a time of black and white. Where their family members that sit by their bed are now strangers. It would be more human if they frowned.

Kaneki was staying in the hospital so much since Hide's first surgery. The doctors had to remove the blood from Hide's lungs. There apparently was a lot. They cut him open, next to the childhood and Juvenile scars. Now he would complain about the ache in his chest and how the stitches stuck to the bandage.

Kaneki had jackets he left there. Books that he would read for later stacked on Hide's end table, sometimes he would find himself putting on his uniform in the morning at the hospital because he fell asleep in the little chair by the bed that started to become surprisingly comfortable.

Right now, the doctors said that Hide was getting _close_ to the crucial and hardest part of the condition. He was given the same color light blue pants and a white tee shirt. Hide had to take mandatory walks outside, no matter how frail he was. The heat of July now didn't help much, most the time he would need some puffs of his inhaler. Hide would still, for some reason, laugh at Kaneki's hair. He had gone pure white, he needed to laugh over some stressed out piece. One that wasn't his own, Kaneki would sit Hide down by the cheap garden of the hospital trail. A stone bench that hurt their asses, Kaneki's hand stayed on top of Hide's. Kaneki would kiss Hide's skin, neck, cheek, lips… Everything that showed he would kiss while Hide told him about the day. His day, where he tried to stretch everything out to make it look like it was more busier than it actually was. Kaneki wouldn't speak as much, he just wanted to listen to Hide's scratchy voice from him coughing more often. His skin pale and under his eyes blackish grey.

Kaneki wondered if Hide might be mad that he brought him to the hospital. This was not a safe place for Hide, even though it had helped him for countless times. But it was fear. Sadness. Utter fear for him. That maybe he'd never go to a haunted house again. Or another surgery. Another jello cup.

Hide laid his head in Kaneki's lap, like always. He had a small teddy bear in his arms with a big red bow that Kaneki brought him. Hinami and Touka got it for him, ' _It's a bear you talk to when you're alone'_ is what Hinami told Kaneki. She was always so sweet. So caring. She understood this from her father being a doctor and her mother letting Hinami visit her father often at the hospital he worked at. Hide felt Kaneki stroke his hair, he covered his mouth before coughing.

"What's your favorite movie?" Hide asked.

" _Breakfast Club_."

"Why?"

Kaneki shrugged, "I watched it when I was fourteen. I had just started started high school which was a pretty shity time. It just kind of gave me hope. Like maybe I'll find a misfit just like me and we can all be friends in detention. But I never got in trouble."

Hide giggled slightly and squeezed the teddy, "You nerd."

"Hey," Kaneki smiled and teased Hide's hair, "I'm not a nerd. What's your favorite movie then?"

"Mmmm….," Hide thought for a moment, "Okay, but don't laugh okay?"

"Promise."

" _Corpse Bride._ "

"Really? _Corpse Bride?_ " Kaneki laughed under his breath.

"Oh shut up, Mr. Bender," Hide said and lifted up his head, "It was the only ' _scary'_ movie I could watch at like, thirteen, fourteen, because my parents thought I couldn't handle a R-rated movie," Hide breathily laughed and rubbed his face, "They were so protective of me… Drove me fucking nuts… Guess that's why we don't talk anymore. They only ask me about my health. Never 'How's school?' Or a 'Work treating you well?' Just always about my health. I don't think they ever really knew me well."

Kaneki held Hide's cheek and kissed him softly, "They love you. They just wanted to keep you healthy."

"Yeah… But I wasn't really healthy or really happy," Hide's eyes widened, "But I mean, you make me happy, even when you worry and protect me."

Kaneki kissed his cheek and ran his fingers through his hair, "Where is your favorite place to be?" Kaneki asked, changing the subject.

Hide sighed, "Our house," Hide said, "I miss sleeping at home. Can't I leave? I mean, they did the surgery on my lungs. Can't I just come for a check up here and there now?"

"Hide," Kaneki tucked hair behind his ear, "Don't lie... I know you sleep most of the day before you can't breath and the nurses have to stabilize you. You aren't the same. One surgery isn't going to fix you."

Hide couldn't create an illusion for knew too much. Kaneki had seen him more than anyone had everyday. How could he lie about things Kaneki was seeing?

Hide pouted and rolled his eyes, "Well it's not helping me just being here."

"Yes it is," Kaneki sighed and turned back, "Since your surgery you haven't been coughing up blood now."

"But I'm throwing up now. Sometimes I puke blood."

"That's just because of the medicine. It won't last forever."

"Kaneki, nothing _has_ happened."

"What if something does happen one day?" Kaneki breathed, holding Hide's face, "What happens if your heart gives out? Huh? And maybe there was a way to save you."

Hide licked his lips and held the teddy bear close, "Then I'll be dead…"

Kaneki frowned, his breath shivered, "Hide-"

"Well that's the truth isn't it?" Hide said, coldly, "You think a hospital is some miracle workshop but it's not always, Kaneki. People die everyday in here. I've _seen_ people die in here already. And who knows. Maybe I'll die here too."

"They helped you before, didn't they?!" Kaneki exclaimed, holding Hide's face , "They'll help you again…"

Kaneki looked down and bit his lip. Denial. Denial is what gave Kaneki hope. But it's also what festered inside him. It's what made him lose sleep, not eat enough, it was that conversation he had in his head everyday. " _What if he's not fine. What will happen?"_ countered by " _No, he has to be fine. People are helping him all the time. He's doing better. I know he is."_ It was eating him away, licking his insides and rotting his brain. Denial was a beast with fangs but slender soft arms of comfort and he was taken by this romantic idea.

Hide picked up Kaneki's face and kissed him deeply. He pulled back and stroked his cheek. Hide had seen this face before. In the face of his parents. He hated that face.

"My favorite place to be is under that tree in the park," Hide whispered, "Remember, we'd go there all the time. I think that's where we really fell in love."

Kaneki looked at Hide, he smiled sadly and laughed, "Yeah… I really love that tree too."

Hide swallowed and smiled "Maybe one day we can go back to that place."

"Maybe."

* * *

For once, it felt like the first night Hide was alone. Kaneki went home once he thought Hide was asleep. But he liked staying up at night. He'd sleep in the day because he let himself believe the air was harder to swallow so it exhilarated him more, making his heart work harder. But at night, the nights' air was filled with whispers. Hushed breaths of others, he truly believed his lungs expanded more. That his heart found a steady pace. He'd stay up, watching the late night shows lowly on the small tv screen, trying not to make too much noise or just getting his phone and putting in his head phones. He liked to read, Kaneki still brought him mangas that he was reading. Hide would sometimes reread the cards he had gotten. They started to build up in his end table. Cards from the detectives he frequently delivered packages to or a few that the girls from his colleges sent him.

Hide would study their penmanship like a good book. He liked seeing how clean the girls in his classes handwriting looked. How they ended the letters. 'Get well soon, Hide!' Or 'Miss you around the office. See you soon'. Soon. _Soon._ It would usually end with a _soon._ Hide bit his lip, he shoved one of the cards back in the end table and put his knees to his chest. How did everyone have so much faith in him? It's not like Hide was ever that strong. Just lucky. Hide groaned and clenched his chest. He scrunched his eyes; chest pains. Hide looked over at the best Hinami got him. He picked it up by the stuff stomach and looked in the teddy's buddy eyes.

"So you'll listen to me, right?" Hide whispered, "Anything I say you'll just sit and listen."

Of course the best didn't reply. Why would it? Hide knew it wouldn't, it's a _listening_ beat for a reason. But why was Hide even talking to this bear? He had plenty of lonely, flirty nurses that talked to him. Sick kids who loved playing dolls or trucks with him. Even the anorexic hooked up with a feeding tube, Ai, would have tea with him here and there. Tons of people, _real_ people to talk to. Yet he wanted this bear to listen to him.

"So, yeah… I'm gonna talk about my day I guess… Yeah that's a good place to start," Hide crossed his leg having the bear sit across from him and his hands in his lap, "So, today I woke up and the nurse checked my stitches. She said it's healing up well. Kaneki brought me the new issue of _Attack on Titan_ and let me tell you. Shit. Is. Going. Down. Like, Armin? He's totally fucked. Touka and Nishiki came with him and we all had some coffee. The hospital's' coffee is so weak though. They were all pretty smiley which is weird. Don't get me wrong, I like smiles it's just…. These looked forced. Like, I wish they knew they don't _have_ to smile at me. I know I wouldn't want to smile at someone sick like me."

Hide sighed, he ran his fingers through his hair, "I like when Kaneki smiles at me," Hide whispered, "He doesn't do it as frequently and they're not always happy. Sometimes their sad smiles you know? Scared ones. So I know they're real. They're still good."

Hide licked his lips and looked the other way, "He's so worried… He still reads you know? Those medical books. Sometimes it just annoys me so much, like right now he's reading, um…," Hide looked over in the visitors chair and picked up the book Kaneki left, "The… _The Psychological Problems Dealing With Loss_ …. Jesus," Hide gripped his bangs. He didn't know how bad it had gotten,"He's preparing himself for the worse and you know what, I don't blame him. Hell, I don't think I'll last much longer here… But some days I do. Some days I don't have chest pains or I can go on longer walks… Last week I got pneumonia from not drying off fully from a bath and it was chilly outside when I went for tea…" Hide giggled, "Said I could have died if doctors hadn't seen me so soon. I'm not strong...Funny how things work, I should be lucky right? But a lucky person wouldn't be born like me…"

The teddy stared back at him, unblinking, no movement. Hide leaned down really close to the bear, "You want to know something? I'm scared… I'm really scared. I don't want to die," Hide picked up the bear and at up on his knees. He held it close to his chest and closed his eyes, "I'm afraid of what I'm gonna leave behind… About what I'm going to do to him if I go."

Hide opened his eyes faintly, tears bubbled up, "He did the stupidest thing he ever could do… And I did the same thing. I'm just as stupid. I fell in love with him."

* * *

Hide dreamt that night that he was stuck in the dark. His breath sounded moist as he walked through the darkness. He kept hearing this echoing beep. _Beep…. Beep...Beep…_ slow and steady. They sounds the bottom of his feet made slapping against cold ground made the soles ache. Somehow, his breath came out in white puffs like smoke, but it wasn't cold. Hide felt incredibly hot as he heard these distant voices. The beeping was getting louder. Hide felt like his lungs were closing up, like not only in the dream but in reality.

 _Doctor, he isn't responding._

Hide flipped his head, he tried to find the voice that sounded like a nervously- calm women. Like she had seen this before. But how could Hide find something in the pitch black? Something crashed down, it rocked the whole dark world and let off a light. Hide ran towards it, becoming out of breath. A teddy bear flash light, like the ones children have.

"Oh thank God…" Hide hushed.

He took a look around, nothing… Nothing but a trail of books. All with the same cover.

 _The Psychological Problems Dealing With Loss_. Hide raised an eyebrow.

 _Get him into the emergency room. Now!_

The voices were louder towards the direction of the books. Hide started to jog, panting hard. He found it so hard to breath. He trotted on pills and envelopes, they hurt his feet.

 _Come on, make it into the room at least, where's the oxygen mask?!_

Hide now felt an absolute burning in his chest and in his feet. He stopped and shown the bear flashlight on his feet, Hide's eyes widened as he gasped. His feet were bloody and cut, Hide's hand shook as it covered his mouth. It's like the pills and paper broke skin.

 _We need his heart rate to be lower._

 _We need to worry about letting oxygen flow._

 _We'll worry about that when we get his heart rate better again!_

Hide flipped up his head, he rubbed his eyes and quickly started to walk again, now limping. He started to see the change on the ground. Now there was birthday cards, cards from years ago. One with fire trucks that said _Happy Sixth Birthday_ on it. Some dating farther back with little snippets of _Get Well_ snuck in the card. He started to find broken crayons of the same color along with the panic voices. Little drawings that looked so familiar, childlike.

A crude sketch of his mother. Not showing how soft and blonde her hair was. And how her figure looked that of a princess to him. His tracks started to bloody the papers, the pain in his chest started to grow. The drawing started to look like huge blue tear drops. Drawings of his parents outside of Hide's old hospital room crying while his father held her. Hide paused, everything was spinning. The voices were roaring now, screaming. The flashlight started to flicker on and off, he started to cough, things actually coming out of his mouth. He put his palm up to his mouth, he looked in his quivering hand. It wasn't blood but water. He kept coughing and started to fall to his knees. The beeping stopped.

 _Hideyoshi…. Mr. Nagachika_

 _Nagachika, open your eyes._

 _Can you hear us?_

 _He's becoming stable._

 _Nagachika, you have to open your eyes._

How would he be able to open his eyes in pure and utter darkness? But Hide did it. The brightness of the rooms lights hurt his eyes. He felt the oxygen mask on his face, he felt the teddy bear paw in his hand as nurses and a doctor toward over him. It hurt to lift up his chest to breath. Hide looked all around the room, confused. He analyzed the space. Hospital acquitment surrounded him.

"Ah… Wha…?" Hide mumbled.

He turned his head and closed his eyes again.

* * *

Hide's eyes crept open. Seeing a blurry vision before it became clear. Kaneki sat in the chair beside the bed, a worried pain look on his face. Hide smiled tiredly and raised his hand to Kaneki's cheek.

"Hey, Kaneki… Nice to see you," Hide mumbled, "Tell me what time it is?"

"Three in the morning… I came down as soon as the doctors called me that you were stabilized."

"Stabilized? What happened?" Hide groaned as he started to sit up.

"Your heart started beating too fast and your lungs started to close. You were about to be oxygen deprived is what the doctor told me. You could have died."

Hide looked down at his feet. Like he was making sure no shattered pills were stuck in the skin. He put his knees to his chest.

"Oh…. Shit."

"Oh shit? That's all you can say?"

Hide shrugged, "It's not like that hasn't happened before. Hmm, been awhile. Maybe since I was…. Eleven? Yeah, that sounds about right."

Kaneki's brow scrunched up, "Still, it's scary isn't it?"

"Well yeah… But it's just expected now. Now more than ever. So I guess it's not _as_ scary?"

Kaneki sighed and rubbed his eye, "I don't get you sometimes," Kaneki leaned back in his chair, "I was really scared."

Hide laughed softly, "They called you after I was stable. You should have been happy they got to me… You were right about me staying in the hospital. I'm gonna be all good by tomorrow morning. They'll give me pills, fresh air, and I'll be fine."

Kaneki licked his lips. He swallowed and leaned over to kiss Hide, "Talk to me," Kaneki said, "What does it feel like to be… like _that._ "

Hide tilted his head, "I don't think I understand what you're trying to ask here."

"I mean… You've been through that kind of situation before. What's it like?"

Hide hummed and moved closer towards Kaneki. Kaneki put his hand on top of Hide's while he turned the chair to where the back of it was against the wall. He put his arm around Hide while Hide put the teddy back in his lap. He started to touch the bow around his neck.

"Well, teddy is here… So I guess I can talk about it."

"That bear is for when you're alone. I'm here. You can talk to me about anything."

"Yeah, but teddy has been easier to talk to- okay this is getting off topic, you want to know what it's like when your body is rejecting you."

"Rejecting is rather harsh don't you think?"

"Sounds accurate to me. But anyway," Hide continued, only looking at the bear, "But I guess I dream a lot during it. I think the first time I wasn't able to breath and my heart would race like that was when I was six. It was the night before my birthday and my mom told me she heard wheezing and my monitor was going nuts. Apparently I was unconscious but I can still remember what I dreamt about. I was at the beach cause I read about seashells earlier, and I got caught in a wave… My lungs filled with water.. I couldn't breath and I only heard crying. I soon figured out it was my mother crying while my parents took me to the hospital. They usually have to deal with water and me choking on it."

Hide turned his head towards Kaneki, "Weird, right? What do you think it means? Like today, it was all dark and I went through some other shit and then I just started coughing up water."

"Well, I once read an article about dreams and they usually are made from how your state of mind is currently. Maybe you feel like you're always drowning. Is that what it feels like when it's hard to breath?"

Hide shrugged, "I mean, it's not a good feeling," Hide started to feel slightly uncomfortable, "Like it feels like I'm dying obviously… But in a weird way I'm familiar with it. Like you know when you have those random leg spasms that last for like a second?"

"Yeah?"

"Well you know you have to deal with them every-once-in-awhile. I know I'll have to deal with my body literally shutting down on me. Just all throughout my life."

Kaneki's throat tensed up, "Does it… It still hurts right?"

"Of course it does. It's painful. It sucks," Hide giggled lightly, "You just kinda… Not get over it but that's like the only way I know how to explain it."

Hide lowered his eyes and scrunched up more into a ball. He didn't notice that his sweat pants and tee shirt were changed out into a generic hospital gown till now. He tugged at the stiff fabric.

"I hate gowns. They always smell and never fit, always too big… I hate this place. Always have. I thought I'd have a group of angsty sarcastic teens I could relate to like in the movies when I was a teenager. That's what I always hoped for some reason," Hide turned his head away from Kaneki, "When I was little I tried to make friends… But they always left. I never knew what happened and why they never tried to see me. I realized that they got out one way or another… And if they were lucky they never wanted to come back here."

Kaneki tilted his head and leaned in to kiss Hide's neck. Only gently, only slowly his lips moved to plant kisses. Hide closed his eyes while he felt Kaneki's lips brush his skin.

"Would you have ever stayed here if it wasn't for me?" Kaneki breathed.

Hide inhaled deeply and squeezed the bear, "I don't think I would try to take care of myself as much as I have without you. I know I wouldn't stay here at all if it wasn't for you. And I know I'd only come for my check ups like I always have. I wouldn't change much."

Hide's skin tingled, Kaneki placed his fingertips on the side of Hide's neck. His other hand ran over to his chest. The side of his chest where his heart laid. He pulled at the gown.

"You make it seem like being you is really awful."

"When you can't even sleep at night without landing in emergency care, yeah it does kinda suck."

Kaneki's eyelashes fluttered on Hide's skin, "When you were younger… Did you… Did you ever think of just… Ending it?"

Hide clenched his eyes and moved away from Kaneki slightly. He swallowed hard and rubbed his arm. Hide chewed his cheek.

"I don't want to talk about it." Hide mumbled.

Kaneki opened his eye slowly, his lips slightly parted as he pulled back.

"When my mother left I thought about it… Because of my power and my eye I thought I'd never find another person who would ever understand me like my own mother," Kaneki ran his fingers through his hair, "But I did. I actually did the impossible somehow," Kaneki smiled, "You. And I'm glad it was you. Because you're so strong and… And I'm really not."

Hide flipped his head and eyes widened, he put his hand on Kaneki's jawline. He took off Kaneki's eyepatch before kissing him deeply. Kaneki closed his eyes and put his hands on Hide's lower back. Hide pulled back and kissed Kaneki's eyelid. Hide didn't understand what Kaneki meant that he wasn't strong. Kaneki was stronger than anyone he knew. He took the information of Hide's sickness with thick skin, understand that he was getting worse. Knowing the truth but he still found hope, light in a dark tunnel. Kaneki would stay in the place that brought pain, that brought _truth._ Painful, painful truth. The kind that cut him and bled him dry as it added things such as stress and worry, depression, panic, what kind of weak person would stay in a deteriorating just for another person? Another person who had a life way before he met him. Yet Kaneki endured it. He was cracking, yes, but doesn't mean he wasn't standing.

"Stop time for me," Hide said, "I want to get a couple more hours of sleep."

Kaneki brushed Hide's hair, getting rid of the tangles. His hair was getting so long. So was Kaneki's.

"Sure."

"Thanks."

Hide pulled the covers up and the teddy bear to his chest. Kaneki put his hand on Hide's head before everything went silent. Frozen sounded quiet.

* * *

Today was the day. Hide called before his surgery that he loves Kaneki and he hopes he has a good day at work. And he did, Touka and Nishiki wasn't loud as usual. Hinami stayed to clean up with him while quizzing him over words she found in her book again. She got difficult books that she didn't quite understand yet so she could be puzzled. He headed to the hospital at around nine thirty-two. He tried to remember what surgery Hide had today.

But he started to get them jumbled up. Was it a blood transfusion or one where they cut him open. Vaguely, Kaneki didn't really _hear_ when the doctors spoke to him about the surgeries now. He wanted Hide to just talk to him. That was success. Hide was now switched out of his pants and tee shirt to a full day gowns with the same paper towel design on it. If he was lucky he would be able to sleep shirtless in sweats. Hide was advised to not walk a lot right now due to the irregular heart beat.

Hide felt better to sit up after a surgery, no matter the pain. He stayed close to the bed, papers scattered. College papers and note from watching online lectures. There was nothing else to do. School was now busy work.

Because at this point it didn't matter. This slim chance didn't matter to him, so he just wanted to learn. He sat up in the bed, shirtless and sweats on, watching whatever was on tv. Kaneki walked in with a plastic bag, smiling before closing the door.

"Hey, Hide. You're up?" Kaneki said.

"Huh?" Hide looked up, "Yeah, I can't sleep well at night."

Kaneki laughed slightly, "You can sleep through the day but not at night?"

"My chest starts to really hurts at night. It's hard for me to sleep. And my monitor is starting to annoy me. Hate being hooked up to this thing all the time now."

Hide waved his finger with the connector on it. Kaneki sighed and kissed Hide's forehead, "I bought some leftover pastries from the shop. Want some?"

Hide rubbed his eyes, "Sure, I'll have one," Hide said as Kaneki sat down, "They want me to have another surgery soon already… But I don't think my body can handle it."

There were fresh scars and bandages all around Hide's body. His hand clawed at his pec ever so slightly. He ran his fingers through his bangs. Kaneki liked his lips and pulled his chair over.

"You're in pain." Kaneki said.

Hide nodded, "Yeah…"

"From the surgeries?"

"From living," Hide chuckled "I mean… I take medicine, I throw it up. I have a surgery, I'm aching all over. I literally cough, then I can't breath, I mean what can I _not_ do to feel pain."

Hide started to rummage through the plastic bag between his legs. Kaneki teased his hair and slicked it back.

"It'll be all worth it in the end."

Hide shrugged and took out the plastic container, he opened it and took out a scone, "I'd be in pain if I was home or here."

Kaneki sighed and reached towards Hide's lap, he got a stale chocolate pastry, "How's Ai doing?"

Hide looked up as he chewed. He swallowed, "She got to her goal weight."

"Doctor's goal weight or _her_ goal weight?"

" _Her_ goal weight. Forty kilos."

"I thought they give her forced feedings through the tube. Like the liquid pouches."

"They do, she also purges through the tube. Counter productive you know?" Hide looked down, "Doctors say she's gonna have a heart attack if she doesn't start eating. That scared her for sure. She asked for a couple cups of applesauce."

Kaneki's eye widened. Hide pushd the bin to the side and laid on his back. Arms spread out looking at the light like he wanted to be caught up in it. Wishing that some diseases could be fads.

"She tells me that she wishes she had went out more before she was sick. Then Ai would have more visitors than just her dad."

"The disorder really has her."

"The disorder is the only thing she has. That's her friend."

Kaneki scratched his cheek, "It's not a very good friend. And I thought you guys were getting along."

"We are. But her best friend comes first..." Hide chewed is scone again, "Ai likes telling me about birds. She really wants to go bird watching. Too bad she doesn't think she has the body for it. I'd love for you to take her one day."

"What do you mean _me?_ You'll come too."

Hide laughed slightly, "I don't think I'll be up for bird watching anytime soon," Hide swallowed and put the rest of the scone back in the bin, "I'm not even hungry." He sighed.

Hide groaned and closed his eyes tightly, "What's wrong?" Kaneki asked.

"Chest hurts…" Hide seethed, biting his lip, "It'll pass in a second."

"Hide…"

"No, no, don't worry about it," Hide said, waving his hand, rubbing his head, "Hey, Kaneki," Hide put his hands to the side, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"It's Friday. What would you be doing on a Friday night without me?"

"Uh," Kaneki looked confused, he crossed his legs, "Well, I might see what everyone at the shop is doing. Maybe go out. Then I'd go home, read a little, watch a movie then go to bed. Nothing special."

"Hmm. Sounds peaceful. Now on a Friday you come to the hospital and see me," Hide smiled, it didn't last long and wasn't genuine, "You don't have to see me every Friday you know?"

"I know but I like to. I don't mind seeing you, I love to do it actually."

Hide chewed his cheek and looked over at the wall, "Kaneki you could do so much more for yourself. You can study or see friends. Have a night to yourself, I don't know… It's just… You're just wasting it being here. Just like my parents. They lost friends because they spent time with me… One time my dad lost his job because he spent so much time with me when I was in the hospital. Just… I don't know I'm rambling."

"No, you aren't. You're telling me how you feel," Kaneki mumbled, "You think you're a waste of time don't you?"

"Well it's not like I'm productive or anything. I just wait in bed until doctors tell me what they can do for me. I'm living on borrowed time. You got other things better than me."

"Like what? What could I possibly have better than you?"

"Living, Kaneki your're gonna grow up, graduate college, buy a home. Kaneki you're going to live. And you're going to make such a big goddamn impact in this world it will be unbelieveable because you're able to live. You're going to stop time for other people. Not just because of… Me,  
Hide bit his lip softly, "Kaneki you'll meet someone after me. Everyone is waiting for you to make a move and all you're doing is spending time is a hospital with your loss cause boyfriend," Hide looked over at Kaneki, "Kaneki, you brought this joy in my life and that's all I can ask for. But now you have people in shadows and you have to be that light. Because if I could go out there right now I would want to be that light."

Hide caught himself going on again. Ranting. But talking inspirational. Inspirational bullshit spewed in school. This isn't what Hide wanted to say, but he wanted Kaneki to have something. _Something_ worth his time. Hide sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Kaneki… I love you. I love everything about you. But I shouldn't be everything you need."

"But you are," Kaneki held Hide's hand, "You're what makes me so happy."

"How? Kaneki I'm what makes you worried. I'm what makes you sad, I'm what keeps you up at night. And I shouldn't be the thing that keeps you up at night it should be a test or what job you'll get after college…"

"But I want to think about you. I'm not _always_ thinking about you being sick. I'm thinking about you when you come back home. And where you'll be with me."

"Bullshit. You and me both know that's not happening. You keep taking your time with me… And I don't need it…," Hide pulled his hand back and looked away, "I don't need you to start praying for me yet."

Kaneki bit his lip, "Don't worry…" Kaneki whispered, "I gave up on religion along time ago… But, I've called love God sometimes… So I will love you."

Hide's eyes widened as he turned his head to look at Kaneki. He put his hand on Kaneki's cheek. He understood worry as love… But he wouldn't like it. He would have to tolerate it or else he would be alone. And not just alone for one Friday night.

"It's sad… That they don't make hospital beds for two."

Kaneki stood up, Hide started to move to the edge of the bed. Kaneki laid in the bed and wrapped his arms around Hide's waist. It was a snug fit but they got in.

"I will love you always… And I will worry about you because I love you…"

Kaneki kissed the back of Hide's neck, Hide closed his eyes. Kaneki squeezed him. And with that squeeze. Time stopped.

Kaneki moved off of Hide. He picked up his body. His hand hinged under his knees and the other hand on his back. Kaneki picked up his tee shirt. He held him close to his chest and started to walk out of the room to the silent hallway. Nurses stopped, wheel chair no longer being pushed, or the awful sounds of pain. Kaneki felt some kind of comfort, because he did believe it helped Hide still. Maybe he did spend too much time here. Hide didn't want to be the burden like no one ever wants to be. But Kaneki never saw him that way. Kaneki walked out of the hospital. Walking down the quiet street, passed all the lonely people paused on the sidewalk.

* * *

Hide's eyes opened from feeling a rough texture on the back of his head. He groaned and rubbed one of his eyes. He felt kind of cold, maybe due to the small breeze. Hide licked his arms together and looked around as his eyes began to focus. He gasped and flipped his head quicker.

"Whoa, shit! I'm outside?!" Hide exclaimed. He pulled up grass and looked in his palm, "Wait, why am I outside? What that fuck?"

Kaneki came walking forward, Hide looked up. He was smiling. He had two travel cups of coffee and a book in his arm.

"Kaneki? What are… We…. You stopped time…?" Hide asked, somewhat panicked.

Kaneki nodded and sat down next to Hide, picking up his chin and kissing him, "Look at where we are," Kaneki said, "It's familiar."

Hide looked around. He saw the little blue bench that older people would watch the children play and wish they could have their youth. The little playground and swing set children would launch themselves off of and see if they could touch the sky before banging their knee. Hide swallowed, he felt the dirt under his nails. The scent of nurses who walked through the grass as a shortcut to the hospital. The night sky, shattered with stars filming everything beneath with darkness.

"We're…. At the park? We're at the park!" Hide exclaimed and grabbed Kaneki's jacket sleeve, "Are we-yeah! We're under the tree, oh my God. The tree!" Hide started to stand up, he put his hand on the bark, "You took me to the tree…."

Hide smiled. Resting his forehead on the tree. He started to fall to his knees, his eyes closed. His nose nudging the tree and taking in the scent of earthy smell.

"I brought coffee," Kaneki said and held out a cup, "Two sugars and a splash of milk. Just like always."

Hide grinned and sat down, crossing his legs. He took the cup and sipped the coffee. Hide sighed, his cheeks becoming warm. He was just so happy. Insanely happy. Kaneki took off his jacket and put it over Hide's shoulder.

"Kaneki, why did you do this?" Hide asked, "Aren't you afraid?"

Kaneki nodded, "Of course I am. But I can't let that get in the way of what I care about most. I realized that today. I won't waste time with you anymore. I'll make it meaningful."

Hide's eyes glowed, the bold scent of the coffee tickled his nose. His eyes scrunched up as he smiled, his lips quivering.

"I brought _Perks of a Wallflower_ , thought you might like it if I read it out loud for you." Kaneki said.

Hide scootched over, Kaneki put his arm around Hide's shoulder. They cuddled up together as Kaneki opened the book. He flipped up his patch and cleared his throat.

" _August twenty-fifth, ninety-ninety one. Dear friend, I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have_ …."

* * *

 _So I hope you enjoyed. Review, follow, and favorite if you did. See you next update._


	4. End

**Hey guys! OOOOOOHHHH BOOOOY finally I update. Isn't that nuts? I'm so sorry guys but I had awful horrible writers block for this and I decided to end it on a short and sweet chapter. So I hope it was worth a wait. I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or the characters used. Enjoy.**

* * *

Kaneki realized that he hated the hospital. Mostly because of the state Hide was in. He was the color of snow and the bags under his eyes were this sickly bright pink color. He understood Hide's frustration. How the pills made his stomach turn and would make him drowsy in the day and stay up all night. Kaneki tried avoiding the hospital now. The cocktail of drugs never felt like they worked and they didn't, it just gave Hide more time.

And time. What was time anymore to Kaneki? While watching Hide, it seemed like pain. The beeping of the machines, how the cotton of the bed sheets would brush up on his hand, all of it was just sickening and hard to stand. Seeing Hide now just reread the mangas he had before while brushing up on the new ones. Time went by too slow at the hospital, too slow Kaneki had no idea what to do with the time on his hands. Books heès already read, sopa operas he's seen on repeat now on the small television. The machine taking Hides heart beat was growing louder and louder each day. Like beating him over the head constantly, like ' _Look at him, look at how weak he's become. It's a matter of strength now. And you get to watch it. Hear me roar as I tell you his state.'_ Kaneki despised that machine.

Kaneki tried to stretch time as much as possible before Hide was staying to the hospital bed at the hip. He brought him to the tree, get coffee and pastries, and read until time would started back up again. But now, Hide relied on the hospital now, the annoying machine, the colors of pills, nurses. Hide was too tired to go and read at night. Kaneki missed that. Kaneki was sat with Touka outside the hospital. The month of June was warm, they drank iced green tea they got at the shop before leaving. They hadn't talked yet since they left the shop. The ice shifted in the cup with every sip. There was a small breeze that would come by and tease the locks of their hair, Touka tucked her stray strands behind her ear.

"So…. I thought we were gonna go to a bookstore or something and you pay for lunch from what you said at the coffee shop." Tokua said.

"I never said anything about buy lunch."

"I think it was implied," Touka took a sip of her tea, "And I'm a little pissed off I'm not eating a burger right now."

Kaneki sighed, "So, I may have only brought you here so I can waste some time before I go to the hospital, okay? Bite me."

"Whoa, hey now, don't get agitated at me. I should be the one mad. You're using me right now."

"Then why don't you leave? I'm not holding you against your will."

Touka punched Kaneki's arm and sipped her tea after. Kaneki didn't give much of a reaction. Lately he hadn't been giving much of any reaction.

"Because I'm not gonna just leave you here," Touka sighed, "Talk to me."

"What's there to say, Touka?" Kaneki asked, looking over at her, "My boyfriend hasn't been home for months… I haven't done anything to warren talking about, I've been doing nothing."

"You know what I mean, Kaneki. How are you feeling? You're so quiet at work. You never want to go out with anyone anymore. People are worried about you. _I'm_ worried about you. I don't like being worried about you."

Kaneki closed his eyes and rubbed them, "You know… I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a month?" He shook his head with a sad smile, "Why?"

Touka raised and eyebrow, "Maybe because your boyfriend is in the hospital and you're sad about it?"

"But why do I get to be sad about it, you know? I'm so unfair. I'm not laid up in bed just waiting to die… I'm the visitor who doesn't have to stay in the hospital."

"Kaneki, you're not making any sense," Touka said, "Don't you know that this is supposed to hurt?"

Kaneki sighed, he tipped the back. The sun peaked behind leaves on a tree, just to shine in Kaneki's eye. His patch and face started to feel warm. He licked his lips.

"Yeah… Yeah you're right…," Kaneki mumbled, "I wish I could just not feel that. The sadness. The pain. You know, summer is a horrible time to die. Long days and short nights," Kaneki sighed, "I miss winter."

Touka closed her eyes. She looked annoyed.

"You're an idiot."

Kaneki glanced over at her. Touka's fingers squeezed the tip of the straw.

"Stop trying to sound poetic and get over it," Touka sounded rather harsh, "You're not some special snowflake Kaneki, you're just like everyone else who's grieving in the world. You're sad, you think everything is unfair, and you just want more time with that person who's sick."

Kaneki's chuckled softly. He rubbed his face, "Time… Time isn't real. And if it was it would be cruel." Kaneki mumbled

God, Kaneki was sounding like a real buzz kill. But what was it for? His dying boyfriend? Hide wouldn't want that. And Kaneki knew that. So why did he do it? Touka rolled her eyes and punched his shoulder, in a playing way. Like she didn't mean it to seem like she was mad at him. Just as a wake up nudge.

"Well time is what we go by here and we all have a limited amount. Now go in there before it's wasted. Even if you think it's not real. Because to everyone one else in the world fucking goes by it."

"Bu-"

"No buts just go," Touka was demanding now, "I don't want to hear excuses. _I_ don't have time for it. _He_ doesn't have time for it."

Kaneki swallowed. He looked down at his plastic cup. There was only clear ice, no more green liquid. Kaneki sometimes forgot that not everyone saw the time the way he did. Others found meaning in time. They saw the minute, hour, weekday. It all needed to be planned and then procrastinated. There was no stopping time for others, there was only going forward, and time wouldn't stop because of one sick boyfriend. Time didn't exist yes, but that's what made it so cold. Kaneki licked his lips, the threw away the cup and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Touka asked.

"To the hospital," Kaneki replied, "Just like you told me to do."

"And you're just gonna ditch me, just like that?"

"Well I guess I kinda am… Sorry, but I have to go."

Touka sighed and stood up, "You tell Hideyoshi I said hi," Touka lowly put her arms out, she was hesitant for something. She closed her eyes and hugged Kankei, "Feel better yourself too."

Kaneki's eyes had widened. Her cheek on his chest, he slowly put his hands on her back. She was so petite, easy to hold. It felt nice, it was something he needed. He nodded and rubbed her back.

"Yeah… Yeah okay, Touka. You be safe going home."

Touka pulled away and stepped back, "Yeah, whatever," She sighed "I'll see you at work."

Touka picked up her bag, her skirt waved as he hips swayed. She waved as she walked off, Kaneki did the same. He looked up at the hospital, admiring it like a castle for the ill. The brick looked as if it was made of steel, powerful material protecting the assets inside. The fragile ones with broken bones, laying in bed unable to do anything about intruders. The babies in little incubators like eggs to keep them warm and have them grow. They still are only able to cry, with their small hands bawled up and feet kicking. Kaneki walked through the hallways. Trying not to raise his head so he wouldn't catch anyone's glances as he made his way to Hide's room.

The walk seemed longer, or maybe Kaneki's legs were tired. Hide's room door was open, he was laying on his back, a book above his face as he read the new manga he wanted. It took Hide to read them longer. Mostly because he would reread ones he read earlier. Like he was trying to get to know the artist though their work. Just so he could somehow get to know someone. Kaneki knocked on the doorframe before walking in, Hide looked up, he smiled faintly and put his book down. The machine keeping an eye on his heart rate beeped steadily. That was good. Hide put the manga on the end table and turned on his side.

Yo, Kaneki," Hide smiled, Kaneki sat down, "What's up. It's only six, I'm surprised you're here so early."

"I used to come at six all the time."

"Well, not lately. You always come at like eight or so. So this is nice."

Kaneki licked his top lip, he had been delaying his visits lately now. Because if he got there later he would have to leave earlier. It was something Kaneki knew was wrong.

"How have you been?" Kaneki asked.

"Oh, you know," Hide sighed, "My chest constantly hurts and I just have the taste of vomit and blood in my mouth," Hide smiled, sickly, "Nothing new. What about you, what are you doing?"

"Just…. Working. Since you've… you know-"

"Gotten worse?"

"Something like that," Kaneki rubbed his face, "I haven't been able to stop time and take you out anymore."

"Ugh, sucks having to be in this bed all the time now," Hide rolled on his back and looked up at the ceiling, "Me and _you_ are bored out of our minds. Heh… My bad."

Kaneki rolled his eyes, "Like this is _your_ bad, Hide. It's not your fault you're sick."

Hide chewed his cheek. He looked at the scars on his arm from IV's being changed out time to time. He knew where the bandages were under his breastplate and the marks that littered his body. From years before to now, letting everyone know who undressed him what he had been through.

"My mom thought the reason I was born so defective was because when she was only like, one week pregnant with me, she fell down a couple of stairs," Hide laughed and shook his head, "The doctors just told her ' _luck is different for every baby'_ and the nurse said ' _God wanted him to be sick so he'll grow up strong,'_... I'm so strong, aren't I?"

Kaneki leaned over him and kissed his forehead, his bangs tasted salty on his lips. Hide closed his eyes.

"You're very strong."

"Strong people don't stay in hospitals all the damn time and don't get better."

"Strong people last as long as you do though."

Hide sighed. He bit his lip softly. Hide's heart felt heavy. Like sinking heavy, like how he felt in his dreams. Drowning, valves filling with water, slowly falling downwards towards his stomach acid. He knew he was close. Hide knew this because doctors told him that all they could do was keep an eye on him and make him as comfortable as possible. Hide knew what "comfortable" meant in a hospital. It meant nothing more could be done. At this point, Hide felt bad for Kaneki telling him he loved him so early on.

"You're right… Stronger people last longer than me… Hey," Hide lifted up his head, "Do you know how long me and you have been together?"

"Not exactly. I really don't count months. Why?"

Hide smiled, "Five months…. Only five months. I can't believe it."

"Yeah…"

Kankei wasn't as lively as he wanted to be. He just sat in the chair, hands on his lap now. He acted rather calm, but water is also calm before a storm. He swallowed, knowing it had been five months. That _seemed_ short.

"It's seemed like years," Hide said, turning his head to the side, "... Everything seems so long and I felt like we've done nothing together. We haven't gone out in forever… We only talk here… I've experienced nothing…," Hide laughed, "Well, not nothing. Because I have you…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I dragged you into all of this. Knowing I've never been completely well, and when I got that letter in the mail, God I was so scared. I was scared because I thought you were gonna leave me. But then, you stayed, and now I know that was even worse than you leaving…"

"What?" Kaneki breathed, "Me staying? I don't get it... What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Well, first my immune system isn't in the best shape and don't get me started on my heart-"

"No, I mean what the _hell_ is wrong with you? Hide, I love you. I don't care what happens to you I'm gonna love you."

Hide laughed gently. His eyes closed. The little blue veins that traveled along his lids were more prudent than usual. Due to his pale top lids. The lack of sunlight hitting him. Hitting any part of Hide's skin.

"You say that… And sometimes I'm glad that you do say that. But… But there's no way you can love me… Not. Not after this… I mean, I was sure you totally were into me but that's when I still had a chance."

"Excuse me? Are you kidding? Not after this? The pain I'm going through, you don't think I love you? That's shit. That complete bullshit."

"Kaneki, you haven't seen me in over a week. Last time you saw me you barely spoke to me. I can see how hurt you are. How can you still love me?"

Kaneki's fists tightened up, "Yeah, I'm hurt. Yeah, I'm in pain and yeah, I'm sad. Maybe you put me here or drove to this but I don't care. I've been worried, I've been scared, but you can't tell me I don't love you. Not after the shit I've been through. Today I learned I'm allowed to feel this way and now. Now you're saying I'm just staying with you out of what? Out of pity?"

Kaneki sounded agitated now. Mad that Hide could ever think something like that, let alone tell Kaneki this.

"How can you not see I'm madly… Deeply… In love with you. And you're not gonna tell me otherwise."

Hide's eyes widened. He hadn't seen this much fire, this much passion behind Kaneki in awhile. Always questioning Kaneki's love, that always got him. Hide breathed out softly, his throat felt tighter.

"Kaneki… Go get a nurse…"

"What?"

"Go get a nurse," Hide said more aggressive, "Right now!"  
"W-what's wrong with you?" Kaneki asked as he stood up.

"Don't know, that's why you need to get a fucking nurse in here!"

Kaneki gasped and nodded. He raced out of the room. Hide started to sweat, his brow was wet. His chest felt tight as he clenched his eyes. Hide started to become dizzy, he blinked a few times as he panted deeply. Hide pulled on his shirt, he felt everything close in around him. Lights started to become black. He didn't notice himself roll off the bed. Hide crashed down to the hard ground. He was the nurse's white flats and Kaneki's sneakers before he blacked out completely.

* * *

Hide dreamt that he could hear dripping. Like water dropping from a faucet. It was an empty white room Hide was sitting in. His heart was pounding and it felt as if his blood was boiling inside of him. Like he was cooking from the inside. He was a warm body. He still thought he couldn't breath. The droplets got louder as he roamed around the room. He started to hear whimpering, like crying. Hide touched one of the white walls. The noise hurt his head.

Hide felt around the walls for any door. He didn't like being in such a bright room, it smelt like old water and dust. He felt a small gap in the wall, he pressed his ear against it, his cheek felt cool. Hide heard more crying, it was louder now, roaring at him. Hide pried open the door. His knuckles bleed as his skin scraped along to wall. It was heavy, he panted as he opened it. He looked up, the room was dark, except for shiny white hair. It was Kaneki.

Kaneki was tall, like a skyscraper. Intimidating as his low sobs rumbled. Hide swallowed, seeing Kaneki cry like this, was hell. He could not do anything, he just felt the pain in his body and felt the salty gigantic tears splash at his feet. Soon Hide was drowning in tears. Swimming in them as Kaneki's sobs sounded like screams. Hide couldn't breath, he gasped for any kind of water filled and swished all around the infinite room.

"K-Kaneki!" Hide's scream echoed.

His head went under the water. The water burned his eyes, he was sure his lungs were going to collapse. He sucked in the water, bubble came out of his throat. He started to black out. Hide tried holding his breath, but there was no air to be found. Hide's mouth opened wide. Hide looked up and saw Kaneki's reflection above him. Despair. Sadness. Unbearable. It reminded Hide of himself. When he was younger, crying into his knees in corners of hospital bedrooms. Only to be found by someone who would put him back in bed. He understood Kaneki how could Hide ever get along with himself while being sick? Many times the thought of him never existing for the sake of others raced through his mind. But he never gave up on himself, because as instinctive he wanted to survive. He wanted to be lived. He wanted to be loved. It's all Hide asked for. And he got it.

A few of Hide's tears slipped from his eyes and mixed with the water. The water was calmer now, Hide started to float up and on his back. He was soaking wet and coughed up the tears. Kaneki only wanted Hide to survive. And from Hide's doubt, it only made Kaneki worse. Hide breathed out. He closed his eyes and drifted upon the ocean of tears.

* * *

When Hide woke up, fluids ran through him like always and the monitor was speaking as always. Hide felt tired, like extremely tired. He blinked a few times and looked around, his whole body ached. He felt like he almost couldn't turn his head.

"Shit…" Hide whispered, "Hey, Kaneki…"

Kaneki lifted up his head. There was too much spit in his mouth to swallow so he kept licking his lips instead. Kaneki nervously smiled and scooted forward slightly.

"You scared the shit out of me." Kaneki softly laughed.

"I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately," Hide cleared his throat, "You okay?" Hide's voice still sounded scratchy.

"You're asking me if I'm okay? What about you?"

Kaneki heard how slow the beeps from the monitor were so slow now. The doctors told Kaneki that Hide didn't have much longer. Kaneki didn't think about telling Hide this. It would just make everything worse. Hide shook his head.

"You always know how I'm doing. I'm always fucked up. I haven't really thought about asking you how you actually are lately." Hide mumbled.

Kaneki lowered his head and shrugged, "I'm just… Really scared…"

Hide raised up his hand and put it on Kaneki's face, "You know, I'm really scared too, "Hide whispered. Kaneki closed his eyes and nuzzled his palm, "I've been really scared. Less for myself… More because of you."

Kaneki looked at Hide, "Me? Hide, I'm not the one in the hospital."

Hide dropped his hand, "You've cried over me, haven't you? Have gone home to a quiet apartment and see all my things in there? Knowing I'm not going to come back," Hide's eyes fell to the ground, his arm hung off the bed, "That must be hell."

"Hide…"

"Hey… You know how I told you that there was no way you could be in love with me anymore?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wrong. I was so wrong and I feel horrible about saying something like that," Hide mumbled, "I'm so sorry… I just felt like I've hurt you too much and I know I have-"

"Hide, calm down," Kaneki said and put his hand on the bed, leaning over Hide, "It's okay… Really it is."

"No it's not. Kaneki, I'm guessing not even a couple of hours ago I could have died then. I could have died telling you I thought you didn't love. How horrible would that have been for you? I'm such a dick, you know?"

Kaneki held Hide's hand. He didn't give him a look of pity. Not with these cords constricting him. Or the stabilizing medicine that the doctors gave him earlier. He looked at Hide with forgiveness. Kaneki was sick and tired of feeling worried for Hide. It did him zero good, it never did anyone good. So he would sit there, hands in his lap now and Look at Hide with the kind eyes he once gave him before. Give him the face he fell in love with. Because the last thing Hide would want to see in his face was stress.

"You're not a dick, Hide. Stop it."

Hide sighed. He didn't fight it. He felt how slow his heart was in his breast bone. Like his heart was shriveled and tiny know, trying to inflate all the loose space between the bones. Hide coughed and gasped after.

"Listen, Kankei," Hide began, "These past five months haven't felt like five months. It's felt like a year maybe two like I said before and I'm so grateful these days were long. Because a lot of them were with you."

Hide held Kaneki's hand. The grip was so easy. Delicate. His eyelids lowered. Kaneki bit his lip, Hide sounded like he was getting everything off his chest.

"Could you make sure my parents get some of my things? Like some of my clothes and stuff. But don't let them have everything."

"Hide, why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I'm sitting here and I'm asking for my boyfriend, okay? And I'm using my heart to tell the time and guess what? I'm ticking."

"Hide…"

"Kaneki," Hide smiled, he sat up slowly and kissed Kaneki's cheek, "I love you." His hand slid off as he laid back down on the bed.

"I love you too… Hide."

"Goodbye..."

Kaneki held Hide's hand tightly. Hide closed his eyes slowly, the machine turned to a slower tune. Kaneki's eyes widened.

"No…. Please no..." Kaneki breathed.

That's when everything stopped. Literally. Kaneki stopped time on Hide's last heart beat. No more shoes tapping no more pages flipping. The bear Kaneki had given him a while back, full of secrets and thoughts never said were silenced. The bear now just stared on the end table. Hide's small smile plastered on his face. No wrinkle from his lips curling, smooth skin like steady water. Kaneki's eyes began to water. Tears gently rolled off his cheek. Kaneki smiled.

"I love you too." Kaneki said, "I love you too, I love you too."

He kept repeating this phrase. Giving it more time before each sentence, until he was just sobbing. He knew when time unfroze, Hide would be dead. But now, now he was happy he had Hide for another few hours.

See, because Kaneki… Was different.

* * *

 _See you guys later. Review, favorite and follow._


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